Found In The Flames
by Prettie Parker
Summary: "It's about falling in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time." -SLP
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** This is an AU family for Madge. Both her parents are died, and her mother did not become ill until near her death. Madge has a married brother and grandmother she lives will, so she did not have to go into the children's home after her parent's death. There will be an intimate moment in this chapter. It will be marked by ******. You don't have to read that part. I don't intended to make it a common theme throughout the story, but it does set the stage for what's to come next between Gale and Madge.

**Don't Let Me Be Lonely**

"_When I'm gone, you'll need love to light the shadows on your face."_

Staring out into the woods, high upon a hill top, I wish I could just disappear. Today I lost my friend to the soul crushing machine called the Hunger Games; food for fodder for a Capitol whose thirst for blood is never quenched. But I know I shouldn't be surprised by this turn of events. District twelve is a wasteland of death and despair. Everyone loses someone here; some people even lose everyone and everything. I'm no stranger to that curse.

Both my parents perished when their train derailed on the way to the capitol. A freak accident the authorities called it, but there were rumors from the start it had been a deliberate attack against the government. However, those rumors were quickly silenced like all talk of rebellion always is. Whatever the details, no answer would have been comforting. Either way, I became an orphan. The two people I loved most in the world were ripped away to that place no one ever returns from. No matter how hard you cry or how loud you scream for their return; the unbearable grief and emptiness is all that answers your call.

My fate would have been sealed, I would have been sent to be destroyed and die in the children's home if my brother had not taken over as my care taker. And some days I think the first fate would have been less cruel. My brother doesn't love me. In most ways I revolt him. Mirroring all the traits he saw as weakness in our parents. He only took over my care in order to receive the money that came with me from our parent remaining assets. Assets we would have split until he took control of it all.

You see, I come from the merchant class, more specially, I was the mayor's daughter. Which put me in better shape than the families fighting for their very existence in the Seam. We're by no means wealthy like people are in the Capitol, but we were a strong political family and my brother owns a shop. We have a roof over our head and food in our bellies. All of our basic needs met and on rare occasions, many of our wants too.

My father was district twelve's mayor until the day he died- a mouth piece for the Capitol, but one that really cared about the people. As my father once said, only the rich can afford to be blind to the pain of the lesser man. His work ethic was so unquestionable, the Capitol was even interested in his political potential. It was that interest and the promise of medical help for my mother that had my parents on the train that fateful night. It was those empty dreams that stole them away.

Having our needs met and personally understanding the suffering of the Hunger Games, my mother always reached out to other's who were struggling. My grandmother always thought she was trying to fill the void created by my aunt Maysilee's death in the games. But eventually the pain inside over took her and my mother spend her last year and a half of life bedridden. Alive but half dead with crippling headaches no one could find a cause for or fix. My mother's giving heart was a gift she bestowed within me. She always felt more at home with Haymitch, in the Hob than she ever did in town. My mother always said, it was important that we help one another, because once we lose our humanity, than there's nothing left worth fighting for in this world. I think my mother hated the Capitol as much as I do, but knew better than to speak it aloud.

After she passed, I spent my days hiding outside Haymitch's house in Victor's Village, wandering the Seam, where I could feel closest to her, and where people felt more real and authentic than the pretention that filled my home with my brother and his wife. At first my presence stood out like a sore thumb in the Seam.

My mother's wavy blonde hair, and deep evergreen eyes made me stick out in a sea of brunette's. But my mother had been loved by the people in the Seam and eventually they began to accept me too. Whether it was pity or genuine acceptance I'll never know, but I wasn't picky as long as they let me stay.

That's how I first ran into Katniss outside of school. I'd catch her eyes on me in the Hob talking with Greasy Sae or sharing my meager loaf of bread with children who had nothing, but hollow aching bellies. I caught her eyes on me while I huddled alone at school. Pulling away from my old world and everyone in it after my parents died.

She once had the unfortunate luck to be moving through the alley behind my house when a heated argument broke out between me and my brother. An argument that sent me lying in the dirt after he shamelessly struck my face in retribution. My eyes only caught hers briefly that time before she thankfully had the mercy to quickly disappear.

Maybe it was because we had both lost a parent we loved. Maybe it was because we both felt the world had abandoned us and we had to rely on ourselves to survive. Maybe it's because I share a likeness to her beloved sister Prim. Or maybe it was because I tried harder to belong in her world in the Seam, than I ever did my own in town. But whatever it was Katniss slowly began to let me in, and slowly she had helped me break free of the walls I had built around myself after my parent's death.

At first we were just silent companions at school, but then she slowly began to speak to me when she saw me at the Hob. Nothing substantial, but slowly our bond grew. Until one day, she was my friend, my only friend. She taught me about plants. She even tried to teach me about hunting, but my skills with a bow was uncoordinated at best.

We didn't share deep conversations. We didn't spill the heartache of our lives. She never trusted me the way I could see she trusted Gale. But she was my friend, my only friend, and the only bright spot after losing both my parents, besides my grandma. And I could tell in her quiet smile, I was hers too. But all of that was ripped away on the 74th annual reaping's for the Hunger Games.

I feel like I'm barely breathing as I stand in the woods. The air burns in my lung and strings as I exhale it free. I don't know what I would have done if the fences had been turned on. Perhaps I would have tried to just run through them away. I just knew I had to get away. I had to feel near her. Near the only real friend I have. The woods were the first thing to pop into my mind, her second home.

I stare out into the forest that appears endless in its expanse. The weight on my heart feels unbearable as tears run steadily down my face. I can't believe they took her. The only one of us worth saving. The only person who had made this place seem like some resemblance of home since my parents died.

Shuttered bursts of breath push forth past my trembling lips as the tears continue to flow. I thought coming out here would bring me solace, but it only leaves me feeling more alone and unsure if anything can quench the pain throbbing inside me at this point.

Then I hear it, a branch snaps just a few feet off. Quickly I wipe my eyes of all tears. Sniffling hard, I try to rope my emotions under control as my face quickly turns to see what or who has found me. Surely peacekeepers would mean imprisonment or worse on a day like today. Our eyes lock instantly. He stands frozen beside a tree, taking the sight of me in, silently brooding.

Tall, dark, and handsome, he makes my heart beat faster for a new reason. I've held a spark for Gale Hawthorne ever since he transformed into a man overnight. Most of the girls in the Seam do. As Katniss's friend, he knows me and I buy strawberries from him. Spends more time with me than I know he'd like. He resents me. Resents me for coming from the merchant class, for being the former Mayor's daughter, for living in town, and not in the Seam. Resents me for taking up some of Katniss's precious attention. Resents me for turning their twosome into a trio. And he's made it perfectly clear since day one. Gale Hawthorne tolerates me for Katiniss's sake, and I'm sure I'm the last person he wanted to find out in the woods on today of all days.

Our eyes hold as he seems to internally debate turning around and leaving on the spot. But for reasons I'll never know he decides to approach me instead. Like a predator on the prowl, he moves silently until he reaches my side, then halts.

Normally catching sight of Gale would bring a warming smile to my face, even if he never returns it. But today is different. Today he's just a sad reminder of what's missing, of what's been taken away, and I get the distinct feeling he feels the same about me.

My eyes break away, back across the grassy hill top, out past the trees that clustered on the mountains for as far as the eye can see. The feel of his presence beside me makes the ache in my heart swell once again. The afternoon events replay in my mind like a nightmare. The fear in Katniss's voice as she burst forth from the crowd to volunteer herself for the sake of Prim. The piercing scream of Prim's tender voice as Gale carried her away. The look of unbidden fear blinding in Katniss's eyes as she stood upon the stage. I had only gotten to see her for a moment after the ceremony; a moment that felt more like a swirl of emotions and promises than an actual event.

The memories surge and begin to strangle me as I finally turn back to Gale, overcome by emotion.

"She's gone." My voice breaks with each painful word as tears I can no longer hold in begin to cascade down my face.

Because I'm not just talking about here and now, but quite possibly for forever. In my heart, I know if anyone from distinct twelve can win, it's her, but I also know one against twenty-three others gunning to kill you are horrible odds. And the odds are never in our favor.

Before I even know what's happening, Gale takes me by surprise and pulls me into his arms, nestled against his strong warm chest, comforting me. He's never done anything like this before. He's never even touched me, but I also know I can't be the only one breaking right now. I know what Katniss means to Gale. It's impossible to not see.

I cling to him, my fingers digging into his sides as his strong arms wrap tightly around me, embracing me. I feel broken and lost as the tears continue to fall and absorb in his shirt. Taking a deep shuttered breath, his musky scent fills my lungs with a sense of comfort. I pull back just far enough to find his eyes, needing to feel a connection in a moment so alone. Towering over, just inches away, our eyes lock. And for the first time I can see how broken Gale looks.

The devastation twisting his strong handsome features, the pain bursting from his eyes with unbearable grief. Without thinking twice, my hand reaches up to tenderly touch his cheek, reaching out to him. Offering him the same comforting championship he's so freely giving me. Even though it contrasts every moment we've shared before this. Raw emotion has a way of pulling people together.

My touch seems to change something in him, seems to alter the moment in some indiscernible way. Right before my eyes, Gale's orbs take on a new depth, and practically swallow me in their grip.

**In a second, as air dances past my lips, before I can exhale it back out, his lips are falling onto mine. His kiss is tentative at first. But as my lips return the embrace, his mouth rapidly grows hungry and frantic. His hand grips my cheek, holding me securely within his reach as Gale kisses me with pure desperation. And in that moment, I know exactly what this is. Gale hasn't changed his feelings for me, or revealed something hidden he has harbored for me all along. Gale is breaking down under the weight of Katiniss being thrown to the wolves. And I'm his closest option for escape.

Logic would have screamed to pull away, but this escape against the pain feels as urgent in my veins as it does in his. And the sensual command of his mouth makes it effortless for me to want more. Our mouths hungrily open, seeking more as Gale's slick warm tongue slips inside my mouth and tangles with my own.

The whole world seems to slip away in this moment. Not just losing Katniss, or the agony of the reaping, but all of the misery of distinct twelve falls away as we frantically kiss each other for escape. The seduction between our lips heating up within my veins, masking everything in intoxicating pleasure.

I feel myself slowly falling backwards, and instinctively I cling tighter at Gale, trying not to fall, until I register the feel of his strong arm wrapped securely around my back. It's then I realize he's slowly lowering us to the grassy earth beneath our feet.

We come to rest in a tangled mess of limbs, the tall grass encircling us like a tent. His towering body blanketing me. Bigger than me in height and strength, his presence is practically all consuming. Gale's skilled hunting hands are surprisingly tender upon my face as he never lets up the supple dance between our lips.

Until suddenly, Gale breaks the kiss, leaving me breathless and panting on the ground. I'm dazed, my lips swollen, but begging for his return. My mind instantly shoots to life with insecurity. Has he realized what he's doing? Who he's doing it with? Is he going to run at any moment?

My eyes flutter open with confusion and trepidation until I realize Gale isn't leaving. He's up on his knees, between my legs, staring hungrily down upon me as his fingers hastily unbutton his shirt. His toned flesh and defined muscles make me instantly forget that I should be alarmed that his clothes are coming off.

His eyes look darker than I've ever seen them, yet keenly focused, and it sends a heat sweeping throughout my body. The look in Gale's eyes makes my heart race. No one has ever looked at me like that before, and yet, I know what he wants.

Following suit, never allowing my mind a minute to stop and think this one through, letting the seduction of his eyes guide my every movement, my trembling hands grab at the skirt of my dress, and start tugging it up past my knees. Gale's got his shirt undone and is making fast work of his belt and trousers. I hike my dress nearly up to my thighs before he's descending back down upon me.

Gale's skilled hand claims the outside of my thigh in his decent. Gripping it, he swiftly pulls it flush against his hip as his hips push against me. The motion sends my mind spinning and an involuntary noise I've never heard myself make come whimpering past my lips. I'm not sure what it means, but the smirk on Gale's lips reveals he likes the sound of it.

Gale's hand glides teasingly up the remainder of my bare thigh, taking my dress with him until his fingers loop under the fabric of my panties. My heart beat picks up with apprehension, but before I can think on it Gale's lips crash back into my own.

I've never done anything like this before. I've only been kissed a few times. The first time in a fleeting awkward moment. Stemming more from pity and a twisted sense of understanding than desire. I don't know much about Gale's experience, but I know he's had girlfriends. I've heard the rumors about the slagheap just like everyone else. And I can tell by the fluid motion of his hands, and the passion of his kiss, he's done this before.

The feel of Gale's hands wandering over my figure coupled with the seduction of his juicy driven mouth makes my mind go blank in a way that's a relief after the torture of today. It makes me almost forget we've both lost someone we love so dearly. Gale's kisses feel like hot embers, setting me on fire in ways I didn't even know were possible. In ways I feel ill prepared to battle, to say no to him. So instead I give in to this sweet escape, wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him harder.

I can barely breathe by the time I feel Gale work my panties free. His hand glides up my inner thigh to my most sensitive place, but that's when the voice of reason begins to scream in my head. It's a voice that wages war against the one begging Gale not to stop, to keep going. My body is melting under Gale's touch, but my head is demanding I acknowledge what I'm doing, what I'm about to do, no matter how good it feels. Warn him, Stop this, this is a mistake, it screams. Rapidly my lips shoot to life.

"Gale… Gale…" There's a sense of urgency to my words as they slip out between kisses, but I'm so out of breath from the assault on my mouth and the touch of Gale's hand that my voice slips out in breathless sputters.

I grip the edges of Gale's shirt still clinging to his shoulders, trying to gain his attention, but I'm a little too late. A heavy grunt bursts past Gale's lips as he pushes swiftly inside me, his face falling into the crook of my neck. Pain rips through my body with the invasion. Sending a piercing cry hitching off my lips in response. My nails dig into his shoulders as warm tears go shooting down the sides of my face.

Instantly, Gale stops. His face slowly lifts from the nest in the curve of my neck. Gale hovers frozen over me, inside me. The first break he's taken from his frenzied state since his lips first touched mine. The first attempt he's made to come back to reality.

When I open my eyes, Gale's dark pair is waiting for me, inches above me. There's something close to alarm blinding in his eyes. His throat bobs as he swallows hard.

"I didn't know… I thought…" Gale breathlessly states, unable to finish his thoughts. Painfully aware he's just taken me somewhere I've never been before.

Gale's gaze is so heavy I can't breathe, I can't think, let alone speak. Reaching over, Gale tenderly wipes away the tears running down the sides of my face. A wounded look summoning in his eyes as the salty wetness melts into his fingers. Easily the kindest gesture he's shown me in the brief gestures of civility we've exchanged previously. We're much rather known for our brief sarcastic banter while bartering over strawberries.

Gale's eyes barrel down on mine and I can see it scares him to think he's hurting me. Gale may not like me, but he doesn't want to cause me pain either. Despite his distant demeanor, he's too kind underneath it all to be that selfish. And I know in that moment, whoever Gale has been with before, most of them haven't been first-timers. My inability to speak seems to only unnerve him further. The look in Gale's pupils somehow seems more broken than before by what we've done.

"We should stop." Gale's breath is husky in a low contemplative whisper as his hips begin to pull away from me.

For reasons too complex to be understood in the moment, my thighs clench tightly around Gale, holding him in place as my hands clutch tighter on his shoulders. The pain that's been drowning in Gale's eyes since he stumbled upon me now seems to be spreading, mixing with an overwhelming look of guilt as he stares don't upon me.

"Don't stop," My heavy breath practically pleads.

A frantic feeling surges through my heart. I can't let it end this way, not like this. Not after everything that's happened today. This can't be how my first time ends. It would be too much to bear; Losing Katniss and watching Gale walk away now after this.

Gale's still hovering just inches above me when I lean up on my elbows and capture his lips tenderly in my own. Saying don't go, I still need you, and I'm pretty sure you still need me. Even if it's just for right now, because I am still desperate to feel something other than the loss and emptiness echoing inside me and I know you are too.

Gale's mouth holds steady with reservation for a moment, before I feel his lips surrender, and finally brush mine back. Our lips take hold, trying to reignite the spark again. I had heard it would hurt. The gossiping girls had school had said as much. I had been prepared for that I thought, but Gale feels like more than my body can take.

So I focus on the tender need of Gale's kiss, let it melt me from the inside out as I try to relax. Trying to ease the pain that's slowly beginning to ebb away. Transforming into a slow burn from deep inside me.

When Gale finally dares to move, his hips rock slowly. A whimper I can't seem to suppress escapes past my lips into his mouth. Never missing a beat, Gale's lips still upon mine for a moment. His concern melting away any lingering trepidation about what we're doing. Even though I know he's not doing this because his feelings for me have changed. I can't find myself wanting to stop. Not only have I wanted Gale to see me, really see me, for years, but this is the first escape I've felt since the reaping's this afternoon.

Biting down on his lower lip, Gale lets out a growl and gives in right away. Knowing together we can find what he needs; Freedom from everything suffocating him in this world right now. Too desperate people finding escape in one another.

Slowly our bodies discover a rhythm the way our mouths did when we first started to kiss. My whimpers transform into hot breathy murmurs with the feel of Gale's strong lean body all around me, his rough hands holding me close. The pain gives way to a growing heat. A fire really, that starts in my core and grows with each intoxicating thrust of his hips, every touch of his lips. Sending the flames spreading throughout my body. Slowly that frantic feeling that first ignited the fire between us begins to blaze once again.

Our mouths grow greedy and more urgent as the pressure between us edges toward a tortuous peak. I can feel Gale's hands grope at any piece of flesh he can find while digging around under my dress. The tension building inside me sends my back arching up against Gale's firm body begging for more. My head digs deeper into the dirt beneath the grass as Gale devours my neck with moist nibbles and hot kisses that have his tongue dancing across my flesh. Inexperienced, I follow Gale's lead. Letting him wrap my legs around his hips as I tilt my hips upward to meet his every movement. Creating a friction that threatens to unravel me.

I know Gale's lost in what we're building as breathless grunts begin to spill past his swollen lips onto my sensitive skin. Slipping under his open shirt, my hand clutches at the muscles flexing on his back, as the other buries deep in his thick dark locks. I don't know if Gale's thinking of me. But a quiet voice deep inside warns me, I probably could've be anyone right now, he's so broken over losing Katniss. He just needs someone, anyone. I just happened to be the girl he stumbled upon first. And perhaps it's even Katniss herself he see's laying beneath him.

But I don't have much time for dwelling on heart crushing thoughts as all the sensations in my body converge and take over. I feel like I'm seconds away from combusting into a million tiny pieces. It's a feeling I've never felt before. Indescribable, but undeniable and all encompassing, an intense pleasure deep inside me that seems to amplify every time Gale moves. His hips, his lips, his hands, and it leaves me begging for more. I know Gale feels it too as our bodies seem to fall insync and pick up their pace. Despite most of our clothes still loosely hanging on, our bodies glisten with beads of sweat beneath the fabric.

Our kiss has ceased as our foreheads rest together, breathing each other's panting breath, lost in the fire burning between our bodies. Gale's body quickens suddenly, his panting breath hits my face harder, as he seems to battle an invisible army within him. An army I can only imagine is made up of peacekeepers, and the Capitol who stole Katniss away from him. And in this way, my body is the only way Gale can fight back. Just when I feel my body hit the edge of an edge abyss where I can fall over the edge and drown in an ocean of ecstasy, a blunt curse grunts out of Gale's mouth.

"Shit." His whole body grows rigid, his breathing erratic, then Gale collapses on me in a sweaty panting mess.******

My eyes shoot open; I take in the deep greens of the tree tops swaying above me as I struggle to get my panting breath back to its regular pace. I try to become reacquainted with the world around me as the intense pleasure I felt just seconds ago slowly slips away. Never reaching its full potential.

Gale only lingers on me for a few moments before rolling off and landing on his back beside me in a heap. All I can hear is our panting breaths. I suddenly become aware of how exposed I am and self-consciously tug my dress down from my belly.

The moment feels awkward as reality begins to settles back in. Gale doesn't say a word. He doesn't have to say it, the way he won't look over at me screams of regret. I know I should have seen this coming, but I didn't look that far ahead and now all I have left is a hollowness under my skin. I don't feel better about the reaping. I don't feel better about losing Katniss. I only feel worse and more alone than ever.

Gale won't look at me, so I don't dare look at him. But out of my peripherals I can see he's tugging his trousers back on his hips. Taking his unspoken cue, my face turns from side to side until I spot my panties within arm's reach. I manage to slip them on despite the trembling inside me.

Finally glancing over at Gale, I find only his shoes where his body once laid. My eyes glance up, searching on forever to find his face that still won't bother to look at me back.

"We should head back." He speaks flatly. Detached, in that same distant manner he usually addresses me in. His dark brooding eyes, gazing out into the trees as if anything was more important to look at then me. As if gazing upon me now was just too hard.

Emotion burst in my chest and I have to bite down hard on my lower lip to stop the tears stinging in my eyes from falling. I feel less than cheap. I feel practically worthless, but I refuse to let him see that. Finding my footing, I slowly rise on unsteady feet. And instantly my body fails me. My muscles are trembling and weak, my body frail and shaky from exertion. My body sways, and just when I think my legs are going to give out on me, and make a complete fool out of myself, I feel Gale's hands take hold of my waist.

Steadying me, his breath feels hot against the back of my neck and ear. "Easy there, Undersee" He instructs and I could have sworn I heard a touch of concern cloud his breath.

I take a deep breath in, and let Gale stabilize me as I wait to regain stability in my legs. Then he takes me further by surprise, as his hand begin to sweep down the back of my dress and pluck at the back of my hair. "Just a little grass and dirt. You're hair's pretty messed up though. You might just want to let it down." He explains with an audible hint of gentleness.

That's when I remember we're still in our reaping clothes, our finest clothes. My brother's wife Marigold had purposefully bought me this stupid dress just for the reaping's. I'll surely have to pay for rolling in the grass with Gale in it, but somehow that feels like the least of my problems. And I can only imagine what my pinned up bun must look like now. Taking his instruction, I reach behind my head and pull a few bobby-pins from my hair. Letting my wavy golden locks cascade down my back. I hear Gale let out a heavy breath in response, but I don't know him well enough to discern what it means. And I'm too overcome by my own doubts to give it further thought.

Still holding me steady, Gale moves to the side of me. One hand drops free of my waist before I quickly feel his thumb and forefinger grasps my chin. Gently he lifts my face and finally our eyes meet. For a moment I see the boy I adore; The one who has a smile for Katniss that could eclipse the sun; The one who's playful and fiercely protective with his little brothers and sister; The one who isn't ashamed to still care what his mom thinks.

"You ok?" He questions me with genuine tenderness and concern in his eyes.

My heart stings; No, I'm not ok. I just did the stupidest thing I've ever done. And despite you're kindness for me now, I know you're feelings for me haven't changed. I've lost my best friend and made a fool out of myself to the only boy I've ever liked, all in one afternoon. So no, I'm not ok.

"Yeah," I lie, my lips pursing tightly closed to hold back the truth. I can see in his eyes he doesn't believe me before my gaze falls from his.

Gale doesn't press it, like I knew he wouldn't. His hand lets go of my face and I think he's going to pull away entirely, but his other hand slips to my lower back. His hand spreads wide as his palm comes to rest on the curve of my spine.

"Come on," He beckons, taking the first step. His hold on me taking me with him.

When we get back across the fence we part ways. I can't help, but look back at him as I head back to town and he moves within the Seam. _But he never does._

* * *

><p>As I make my way into town, I keep my head low. Despite what people of the Seam might think of the township, it really isn't all that much better. The quality of life is slightly improved, but everything is still bleak here. We live and breathe and die here, no one ever gets out. No one ever carves out a better life. The Seam is death and despair, but the town is a stagnant pond of empty dreams just waiting to suck the life out of the next generation.<p>

I feel more alone than I've felt since the day my parents died. I want to blend into the buildings and melt into their walls. Fortunately for me, everyone seems lost in their own world. Glad they had escaped another year of reaping's, or mourning the loss of someone they knew taken away too young.

I reach the front of my brother's store and slip around back to the main entrance of my house. My home is hidden in the back half and upper floor of my brother's watch shop. It's the last place I want to be right now. In many ways it feels more like a prison than it does a home, but I have nowhere else to go.

I sneak in the door as quiet as I can. Hoping to go unnoticed. Hoping to dive into my bed, cry and sleep until this day feels like nothing more than a bad dream. And I almost make it until the voice of my brother's wife Marigold, hits my back.

"What happened to your dress?" The tone in her voice makes it clear she's displeased and judging, but not surprised I've managed to ruin my new dress.

Objects are always more important than people to my brother and his wife. A trait my brother didn't inherit from either of my parents. Perhaps it was Capitol envy, but whatever the source he lived his life by it all the same.

I ruined it out in the woods, beyond the district fence, where we're not allowed to cross. My dress is smeared with dirt and grass stains, because I let Gale Hawthorne take a piece of me. The only piece of me you think has any worth when you to try to sell me off for marriage in a year and half. You know, that boy from the Seam you think is lower than trash. The one who sells strawberries at our backdoor. My mind silently taunts her.

"I slipped and fell." I easily lie, never looking her way. I try to pretend she isn't there, because she's the last person I want to face right now. The last person I trust when my heart is already broken.

And I know my brother must be close at hand too, waiting to pounce. He lacks any real emotion or loyalty and he always has. The most selfish person I know, next to his wife. And I know it gives them both some sick pleasure out of trying to breaking my spirit. To rip the kindness from my soul and make me as ugly inside as they are.

"Where have you been?" My brother's voice is stern and accusing as it picks up. The sound of his shoes moving against the wooden floor tells me he's moving closer.

Choosing to ignore them, and taking a slight ounce of pleasure in knowing it only infuriates them both when I do. I shrug my shoulders and move through the kitchen, toward the narrow staircase in the back.

"I went for a walk after the ceremony." I state flatly.

I know I'm riling him up when his tone turns colder than usual and he begins to lash out, trying to wound me with his words.

"Upset over the tributes? Had a crush on our neighbor, the baker's boy? Or perhaps, that girl was one of your filthy Seam friends." I know his words are meant to hurt me, and it only riles me up more that they do.

"Who I care about is none of your business." I spit out.

My words more full of fight than I even intended. Knowing I probably crossed the line. The line of respect and obedience he demands of me while I live under this roof. I quickly move up the first few stairs trying to escape before things turn ugly.

But he catches me first. Latching onto my upper arm, he grips me with all his strength. A grip so tight I know it'll leave a bruise some time later tonight. He yanks me back down the steps until I'm flush against him. A try to resist, my attempts are futile, and appear only weak compared to his strength.

"Watch your mouth with me, Madge. I'm the only reason you don't live in the Seam or the children's home. I'm the only reason you're alive. You'd never make it out there." He hisses into my ear, his fingers digging deeper into my arm with a warning… _Obey_.

I want to turn around and shove him with all my might. I want to scream at him the only reason he takes care of me is, because he wants to squander what little money mom and dad left for me. I want to break one of the ornate plates, his wife spent frivolous amounts of money on, and remind him all of this use to be ours until mom and dad died. But I don't, because I know it won't change anything. And I'll only pay for it worse in the end.

Holding back my anger, I muster my strength and yank my arm from his grasp. Never looking back, never giving him the satisfaction of knowing he's gotten to me, I climbs the stairs to my room, and lock the door behind me.

"_When you're young, you can fly, but we trip on clouds 'cause we get too high."  
><em>

**Author's note: I revised this chapter 4/11**

Some of you might be thinking you read this exact piece to a different story. And if you're thinking that, you did. I'm trying something out. I originally wrote this as a story for an OC, but the further I got into it I began to see I was writing AU version of Madge. So I'm letting the readers decide whether they like it better as Madge or an OC. So if you like this, please review and let me know. Feedback is strongly encouraged. What do you think of Madge's AU circumstances and family? Rest assured Gale does rapidly warm up as the story goes on. This was just a starting point to evolve from with them. How did you feel about Gale and Madge sleeping together? Do their intentions make sense? Are you interested in reading more?


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** There is a shift of POV from Madge to Gale at the end of the chapter. I will not be marking it with "POV". It's a style pet peeve and I don't like the look of it. Also, if I can't make it clear who's POV you're reading then I'm not writing well enough. Just a heads up.

_**There Goes My Life **_

_I'm Pregnant; _I'm late, I'm never late. The thought is too enormous to think about. Too terrifying to face. It makes me want to crawl into my bed, hide under the covers, and never come out again. At first I tried to convince myself it was the stress of the games that made me late- having to watch every day to see whether my only friend lived or died, and some days it looked like it could have been either. But then the nausea came; and it came with a vengeance. I've hardly been able to keep anything down. And while I feel more exhausted than usual, and find myself hit by sudden dizzy spells, I know I'm not sick. I know my body when I'm ill and this… this is something different.

Despite sleeping with Gale, this was never an outcome I saw coming. I know I should have, I've heard the girls at school talk, I understand the gist of how babies are made, but I didn't. I mean, what are the odds? The one time we're together, my first time, I end up pregnant. There's only one possible explanation I can find… Its poetic justice.

Gale hasn't spoken to me since the afternoon in the woods. I've seen him in the Seam and school. A few times his eyes have caught sight of mine upon him, but he only looks away. I know he regrets what we did. I know he wishes I would just forget and go away. What we did meant nothing to him. I had merely served a purpose. And while it meant something to me, I know it should have meant more. I should have waited, I should have told him no, and now I'm paying the ultimate price for my foolish impulses.

I feel lost in my thoughts, trapped in my head, and have been for days. I can hear the dinner conversation going on around me, but it feels miles away. Completely removed from it, it barely registers when Marigold calls my name. My eyes shoot up from the spot on the table they've been glued to for who knows how long, and find my sister in-law's orbs waiting impatiently.

"It's rude to not respond when spoken too, Madge." She scolds me before getting to her point. "Why aren't you eating? I prepared a lovely braised rabbit and you haven't even bothered to touch it." She continues to pick at me. Always looking down her nose at me, and normally I would have thrown a snide comment back. Reminded her I'm usually the one who has to cook, because she's too squeamish to skin and fix the meat, but today I don't have the strength.

My eye's fall down to the plate before me. Undercooked meat slathered in its own bloody juices with overcooked mushy vegetable waft up my nose, and instantly my stomach revolts uncontrollably. Instinct takes over as I abruptly push back from the table. Covering my mouth, I rush to the bathroom, and make it there in barely enough time to empty the contents of my stomach. There wasn't much in there as I haven't been able to keep much down, but still I heave uncontrollably. Tears burn in my eyes as I retch until I'm left dry heaving. On shaky legs, I rise to my feet. Reaching the sink I rinse my mouth and try my best to make myself look presentable, normal, before returning to the table.

All eyes hang on me as I reappear. Concern hangs in my grandmother's eyes while my brother, Lydle, and Marigold glare with criticism. "Really Madge, the rest of us are eating." My brother admonishes me. "Are you sick? You've been doing this for days." He obliviously prods me with questions. And thankfully for me, with his lack of knowledge on children, none of his own, he hasn't put it together.

"I'm feeling tired. I think I would like to lie down. Madge, be a dear and help me upstairs." My grandmother chimes in. Redirecting their attention, saving me from lies I wasn't sure I had the strength to formulate in my current state.

Nodding, I quickly go to her, wrapping my arms around her small frail body as I move us toward the stairs. I know she saved me. Her body is weak, and her heart broken from a life that stole away too many people who she loved, and yet left her cursed to live to a ripe old age alone, without them. After losing Maysilee and my mother, she doesn't have much fight left in her. She spends most of her days in her room reading. Coming down only for meals, but in her own way, she protects me. She takes care of me and makes sure I know I'm loved. She's the only real family I have left.

When we reach her room, I help her to her bed. With slow steady movements, she shifts onto the mattress, her back coming to rest against the propped up pillows. I smile softly upon her with thanks and go to leave, to let her rest, but her hand catches mine. Our eyes meet as she softly smiles at me. Releasing my hand, she lightly pats the mattress beside her.

Following her wishes, I take a seat. Her eye's find mine again; beautiful green eyes that have faded with age, but never lost their spark. They say I get my eyes from her. Her gaze holds me captive as she reaches up to gently stroke the hair framing my face.

"Sweet girl…" She calls me, and I finally see it in her eyes, she knows. She knows the hopeless predicament I've gotten myself into. She sees the signs for what they are. And I should have known she would. Surely she's been around long enough to see a sad case such as mine at least once. And even if she hasn't, she knows the signs. She knows what they mean.

Seeing she knows my secret becomes my unraveling. Seeing my secret in her loving sad eyes, sends emotion constricting in my throat. And tears burning in the edges of my eyes before they cascade down my cheeks.

"Sweet baby girl…" My grandmother's weathered voice calls to me, filling with emotion as she tenderly pulls my head down to her lap. Her skin feels paper thin, but soft as feathers as she gently brushes my hair away from my face, her other hand holding me near.

I haven't let myself cry over this. I haven't let myself admit it was real in a way that could touch my heart, but as my grandmother wraps me in her loving arms, I feel the truth crash down hard upon me. Tears I've been holding at bay finally break free, slipping endlessly from my eyes. Sputtering bursts of breath shutter past my lips as I tremble with fear. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've never been so afraid and desperate in my life. And despite the comforting support of my grandmother, support I'd died without, I know I'm completely alone in this. And that scares me to the bone.

* * *

><p>After the initial shock wears off, I'm left with an unbearable desperation humming through my veins. The full scope of my situation is eating me alive from the inside out. What I have done will surely be the death of me. When my brother finds out I'm pregnant he'll throw me out on the street. He's only kept me this long for the money and the chance to sell me off for marriage to the highest bidder on my eighteenth birthday, like one of the plump pigs we raise for slaughter out back. I'll be a disgrace to myself and my family if I have this baby alone; if I survive at all.<p>

I know living alone on the streets I will die. Despite what Katniss has taught me, I won't be able to survive on my own. And Gale has made it abundantly clear he wants nothing to do with me. Just a memory of a weak moment he'd like to forget. I know Katniss would be there for me, but she's already supporting her family and helping with Gale's; even more, she's now a victor.

There's only so much to go around and let's face it, I'm a hopeless case. I contemplate sneaking off into the woods and swallowing a handful of nightlock to save everyone the weight of my burden. The first berry Katniss showed me, and adamantly explained why I should never eat it. But if my life is over anyway….

Even if I managed to survive, scrape by, barely living. My skin and the skin of my child would surely hang from mere bones and empty bellies. Even if I managed to muster that grim fate for my child, what then?

My child will have to suffer six years in the Hunger Games lottery. A lottery unfairly rigged by tesserae's we'd surely have to take out endlessly to survive. Enough to fill the bowl with my child's name so many times, the odds would never be in their favor. They'd run the high risk of being sent off to the slaughter while I watched, helpless, from a world away.

And as if bringing a child into this messed up world alone doesn't sound painful enough, imaging watching them die sounds unbearable. Everyone I've known in district twelve who've lost a child in the Hunger Games, never came back from the loss. My grandmother didn't and neither did my mother after losing Maysilee. It's as if their souls died in the arena right along with her.

I always thought that's why my mother tried to help those within the Seam until her broken heart left her bedridden and sickly. I know it's why my grandmother became a shut-in, locked away from the cruel world. They say losing your child is worse than death, that it's the worst pain anyone can experience. And I'm staring it down as a very real outcome in a future that would find me and my child all too soon.

If by some grace my child escaped the games and then it would have to go down into the mines. Where more people are burned or buried alive than ever live to grow old. Dying a slow and painful death of lung disease at an old age is the only gift a cold miner can pray for. And, if she's a girl without a father, she'll be left vulnerable to the predators within the Seam always searching for weak prey; for girls without fathers who can't fight back. Who are desperate for money to survive; who are starving and hopeless; who have only frail broken mothers to protect them.

How anyone could bring a child into this battered world, into district twelve, feels more like a cruel punishment than a blessing. It's a future too full of despair to pass. And that's exactly what brings me to Katniss's door on a muggy summer day; to their tiny run down house that could pass for a shack.

Mrs. Everdeen answers easily enough. She's look happier than I ever remember seeing her before, but I can still see from the fine lines and dark circles under her eyes, the games have taken their toll. Her eyes survey me, slightly surprised.

"Katniss won't be home for a few more days." She smiles and I can see a light touch her eyes in knowing her daughter is coming home alive. I've been so preoccupied with my own desperate situation it had barely registered that my best friend beat the odds, had not only survived, but won. A triumphant joy that would have me singing from the hilltops if my own plight wasn't so bleak.

"I actually came to see you." I say, my eyes dropping from hers and down to my feet out of a shame I'm not ready for her to see.

Ushering me in, Prim bursts through the room, and comes crashing into my arms for a fierce hug. "She did it! I knew she could do it!" Her young elated voice fills the room with life and vibrates through me. Prim is truly a small piece of heaven, a drop of sunlight in the midst of a storm. It's no wonder everyone, town or Seam, love her so dearly.

I hug her tightly in return until she pulls free. "Never doubted her." I smile back, even though the elation doesn't touch my eyes in quite the way I know it should.

Mrs. Everdeen walks me over to the kitchen table just off the door before she turns to me. Her eyes hanging preemptively upon me. I swallow hard to build my nerve. "I have a problem I could use your help with." My voice comes out steady, but slow from nerves. Now that I'm standing in front of her this feels harder than I ever imagined it would be.

Mrs. Everdeen nods simply. "Alright, well what seems to be the problem?" She asks me instantly falling into her job as healer. A woman far different than Katniss's mom. And I'm, no longer Katniss's friend, but a patient.

My eyes nervously scan the room. Falling on Prim and holding for a moment. I'm not sure if I should be sharing this in front of her. Then again, I'm not sure I should be sharing this at all. I'm not even sure I should be here. I'm not sure of anything these days. "I'm pregnant." I manage to slip out on a hushed breath barely above a whisper. The horror of the words passing through my lips unnerves even me.

An audible gasp bursts off Prim's lips and echoes throughout the suddenly quiet room. Shaking me, reminding me how disgraceful I've become. How foolishly I've thrown away my whole life.

"Prim dear, go check on Lady. I think she's due for a feeding." Mrs. Everdeen quickly speaks up as if realizing this situation was too sensitive for Prim to aid.

I can feel Prim's shocked eyes hinged upon me even before I look back at her. She appears frozen and immobile by my news and I instantly regret confessing it in front of her.

"Prim." Mrs. Everdeen calls more firmly, catching her daughter's attention this time. Something in her eyes seeming to convey it was time for her to go, before Prim nods, and slips out of the front door.

I say a silent prayer as she disappears that she'll keep this news to herself. I barely have time to turn back to Mrs. Everdeen before I see her rapidly approach me. "You know for certain?" She questions in a matter of fact tone and I know I'm speaking with Mrs. Everdeen – healer. Her voice is delicate, but the look in her eyes reveals how bad this really is.

I shake my head no as I chew nervously on my lower lip. "But I'm pretty sure. I'm late… I'm never late. And I… A little over the month ago I…" I confess on a heavy breath unable to finish. Feeling the emotion stir back to life within my chest. Threatening to surge upward and leave me a crumbling mess in moments.

Mrs. Everdeen quickly rattles off a series of questions. I can tell its protocol, really. Diagnosing me, while probably hoping I just have the flu. My mind begins to drift away with her questions. My body is still there, but I allow myself to slip away. Thankfully my lips manage to provide her with an answer. Questions that only seem to dig my grave a little deeper with each confirmed response. Do you have tender breasts? Check. Fatigue? Check. Frequent urination and dizziness. Check. Nauseas? Check. Check.

I finally seem to come to as I take in the sullen look that washes over Mrs. Everdeen's face before she nods. Finally coming to the same conclusion that I had- I'm pregnant.

Her nod confirming what I already knew sends a rush of panic racing through my chest. My breath begin to pump out in erratic frantic bursts. My heart feels like it's going to beat right out of my chest. I feel I could black out any moment just before Mrs. Everdeen takes hold of my elbow and seems to lower me into a chair.

"Breathe slowly," She instructs, mimicking her own words as if to give a demonstration as her eyes burrow into mine with concern. "The father?" She finally asks me after I've begun to slowly do as she asks. Slow breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth, repeat. Don't think about your fate. Don't think about why you're here. Just breathe.

Gale rushes into my mind and everything I felt for him, still feel for him. And how I let those feelings cloud my judgment into making the biggest mistake of my life. All of it a bittersweet kiss of doom. "He doesn't know me, not really. Barely tolerates me." My face drops with shame. Shame that Mrs. Everdeen has to know I gave myself away so recklessly to a boy who cares so little for me. Feeling the need to explain, to make Mrs. Everdeen see how desperate my situation is, if she doesn't already, my lips begin to fly. Words shooting out in rapid succession.

"I was just so upset after the reaping's, and he was there, and… When my brother finds out he'll throw me out onto the streets. I'm not strong like Katniss. We won't be able to survive. The baby will surely starve to death if it even makes it to birth." My words rattle off as fear and panic build in momentum within the chambers of my heart.

What I'm saying isn't implausible. Mrs. Everdeen knows this. Hell, her own children almost suffered that same cruel fate after her husband's death. People drop dead of starvation all the time in the Seam. Starvation of one degree or another is common place within the Seam. So often no one bats an eye. With the life I've lived, the little survival knowledge I have, I have no doubts that would be me and my baby decaying in the cold unforgiving streets. My future so unbearably set it sends tears I can no longer hold back building in the brim within my eyes, because the words I'm about to say kill me almost as much as my fate does.

"I've heard the talk before. I know there are herbs that can…" But I can't say the words, they're too painful, too ugly. They make me feel cruel and callous. As if I have no regard for the life growing within me. But I do! And that's why I'm here's making this unbearable choice. Tears I can no longer contain fall down my cheeks as I feel my face crumble in despair.

"There's a difference between suffering a cruel death and never being born… There's a difference." I break down with the words. Tears fall hard and fast down my face as I try to justify a choice that I know will destroy me, in a situation that leaves me with no good answer. I begin to choke on my own breath as Mrs. Everdeen wraps me in her arms. I don't want to do this. I don't want to kill the life growing inside me, but I don't see a better solution.

Mrs. Everdeen's hands feel gentle and comforting as they hold me near and rub my back. Softly she sooths me. "It's ok. It's going to be ok." She whispers, lying words to me in a motherly way that reminds me how badly I wish my mom was still here. That maybe I wouldn't be in this situation if she was. Holding on until I begin to get ahold of myself. Until I feel like I'm able to bear the weight of my predicament, my fate, my request, again.

Pulling back slowly, Mrs. Everdeen offers me an empathic smile as she gently wipes the tears from my puffy tear stained face. "Who's the father, Madge?" She quietly speaks. Keeping it low as if she understands this is a secret.

I hesitate, not wanting to say it, least of all to her, but I'm caught between a rock and hard place. She's the only person who can help me, and if she's asking for the truth, it's the least I owe her. "…Gale." I whisper out on a shuttered breath that's barely audible.

I watch as Mrs. Everdeen's features grimace, shaken by the news, but still she manages to holds it together. It takes her a moment to speak, but I can only imagine there's a conversation bursting inside her mind as she stares at me.

Taking my hand, Mrs. Everdeen looks me square in the eye. "Talk to him. You must tell him…" Her words are firm and adamant. She isn't asking me. She's insisting. "Then… then if that's still what you choose, I may be able to help you." I can tell by the way she speaks, her words have been carefully chosen. She doesn't want this anymore than I do, but she understands the severity of my situation too. Seeing something in Gale I don't, having faith in him, Mrs. Everdeen is trying to save me this pain. After what happened between us, after what's happening to me because of it, I don't share that same faith in Gale, but I know now she's right, I have to tell him. So reluctantly I agree.

* * *

><p>Gale turned nineteen a few weeks ago. I know because his birthday is only a month from mine; even though we're two years apart. He's been working in the mines ever since coming of age. Which has made it exceedingly more difficult to catch him in private. And I want to tell him before Katniss gets back in a few days and consumes Gale's every free moment. He works long twelve hour shifts, but I remember they have Sundays off, and instinctively I know where I'll find him.<p>

I slip past the fence in the late morning. When I can get away without it being questioned. I slip into the trees and trek on as the woods begin to swallow me. I have a pretty good idea where to look. A few places Katniss has taken me before, with Gale alongside. Silently, I beg he's at one of them. Rounding a valley and climbing a small hill, I let out a sigh of relief when I spot him. Bow in hand. I don't make it two more steps before he turns on me. Whips around in a flash. Bow raised, arrow aimed surely for my head.

Instinctually I freeze, my eyes grow as wide as saucers, and I pray I haven't just taken my last breath.

Thankfully, he recognizes me in time and sends the arrow whizzing past my shoulder, instead of into my skull. "Could have gotten yourself killed." He barks at me, making the journey over my way to retrieve his arrow that lodged in a tree just a few feet past me.

My eyes follow his every move, but I refuse to let him think he's phased me. I refuse to reveal most of myself to him anymore. "Making smart choices hasn't been my strong suit lately." I say flatly with a shrug of my shoulders.

Gale eyes me unamused as he yanks the arrow from the thick trunk; careful not to bend or damage it.

"Can we talk?" I speak up as he makes his way back down the hill. As if he's done with whatever game I'm playing. And needs to use what little time he has to hunt instead of shooting spiteful banter with me. I'm bitter, I'm willing to admit that. I feel burned by Gale Hawthorne and seeing him now only makes the wound sizzle again.

Gale hesitates, his feet coming to a full stop. His broad back to me as he seems to contemplate my request, but ultimately he concedes. And I like to think it's because he knows he owes me this much. Nodding, he takes a seat in the tall grass lining the hill I emerged from, his brooding eyes overlooking another deep valley that lay before him.

I take a cue and come to sit beside him. I draw my knees up to my chest as if unconsciously creating a further barrier against him. We sit in awkward silence for what feels like forever. Now that I'm here I don't know how to start this. Blurting it out doesn't feel right, but we don't exactly have much else in common to break the ice with. That's when Katniss fills my mind.

"She did it." I say, my voice filling with a sense of awed reverence as I gaze out in the valley below. Allowing my heart to swell with pride for my dear friend, who's stronger than anyone I know. Who beat the unbeatable odds and who is finally coming home.

"Yeah, she did." Gale agrees, a lightness filling his breath as a smile he can't seem to hold back softens his face. I grow mad at myself as his charming smile summons an all too familiar fluttering in my belly. This is the first sign of real emotion he's revealed since I arrived and I can't believe I'm letting it get to me.

And I know it's because he loves her. I've known that for some time. You'd have to be blind not too. And while some girls in my situation might feel resentful toward the girl who holds his heart, I don't. I'm not foolish enough to think it's Katniss who stands between me and Gale, it's just me; or rather his lack of interest.

The awkward silence settles in around us again. In a second we've run out of things we can talk about, we share, beside the giant elephant in the room neither of us seems to want to bring up. My fingers begin to fidget upon my knee and I know I'm rapidly hitting my make-it or break-it moment, an all-in kind of thing. And just when I think the nerves in my belly are going to strangle me they're so tight, Gale finally speaks up.

"Madge, what happened between us was…." He starts, his voice is flat and detached in a way that only feels sterile and cold, but I can tell he feels the need to explain.

He starts to say it, _A Mistake_. I can already hear the words before they ever leave his breath. And I can't bear it, I can't bear to hear him say it. I'll never be able to tell him why I'm really here if I have to hear him call me a mistake. So despite the anxiety waging war on my body, just under my skin, I know I have to beat him to the punch. Before the damage is done, and I'll chick-out of telling him.

"Gale, I'm pregnant." I blurt out suddenly, not nearly a yell, but far more vocal and firm than I had intended.

Instantly his breath dies, killing those words on his lips that I couldn't bear to hear. I don't dare look at him. I'm too afraid of what I'll see written across his face, contorting his features. He sits silently, shocked I presume, for what feels like several agonizing minutes before he finally finds the nerve to speak.

"Are you sure?" He questions me. His breath his hollow, but I can't read any other emotions that must be bursting inside him.

A relieved breath slips quietly past my lips that he at least has the decency to not ask me if it is his. To not insult me after blowing me off. "Yeah." I answer meekly, unable to elaborate any further.

I hear a heavy sigh leave Gale's breath, but still I don't dare look at him and I can feel, he doesn't dare look at me either. We just sit there in a silence that seems to drag on forever. Crushed under the weight of what we've done. Of what our foolish actions have cost us. Every minute that passes and he doesn't say a word feels like it's cutting deeper into me.

I turn my face away from him as I feel a tear slip down my cheek. I refuse to let Gale see it. My trembling hand quickly wipes it away. And I know in that moment I have to get out of here. I've already stayed too long and if I stay any longer, the world around me will surely cave in. Summoning my strength, a strength that has kept me going through all of this, kept me going after my parents died, I rise to my feet, and walk away.

* * *

><p>After Madge leaves, I spend most of the day in the woods. I don't return home until it's almost dusk. Not ready to face my family until I absolutely have to. I have very little to show for the hours I put in; two squirrels and a small rabbit. My mind was too haunted, too distracted by the news to achieve any real hunting after Madge left.<p>

When I finally return home my mother, Hazelle, seems to know instantly something is wrong. The way she always seems to know with a glance. Besides Katniss, she's the only person who can take one look at me and instantly read me like an open book.

I'm silent as night settles in, lost in the confines of my own mind. Madge's words ringing over and over in my head like an incessant gong that offers no peace. On the rare occasions I make eye contact with my family, especially my mother, I can tell from the worried look in her eyes I look like the weight of the world is resting upon me. And it is.

I sit silently throughout dinner; here, but not really. I know I need to get it together, and usually I'm the first to put my feelings aside, never let anything phase me, in order to spare my family that burden. But I can't do it this time. I can't find it in me to pretend everything's ok, my life hasn't felt this out of control since the day my dad died. When Posy approaches me, asking me to read her a book before bed, a beloved tradition we've enacted since she was very small, I find myself stuck under the collapsing pressure inside me.

I stare frozen upon my baby sister, my dark eyes fixated, because it's like I'm seeing her for the first time. Her big doe eyes, round rosy cheeks, cherry little pout, I remember when she was just the swell of my mother's belly, and look at her now. The baby growing inside Madge, my baby, this is what it will become. A living breathing child, it will need me the way Posy does and more.

And no matter what step I make from here, there's nothing I can do to change this from becoming reality. This baby is coming whether I'm ready or not. My eyes slowly begin to grow wide in horror with the weight of my realization. "I… I…" My lips stumble in response as Posy stares up at me with big innocent eyes, obvious to the conflict swimming in my head.

"Not tonight, baby. Rory is going to read to you." My mother quickly steps in. Wrapping gentle arms around my sister's shoulders as she guides her over toward my younger brother. Rory offers our mother a disgruntled huff in response to his new added responsibility, but quickly obeys under the weight of Hazelle's stare.

"Get the kids ready for bed." She instructs before shooing them off into another room.

Returning to the table, Hazelle finds me just where she had left me. My gaze focuses upon my fisted hands resting on the tabletop, my head hangs low. Almost more dazed and lost in my own mind than before, if that's possible.

Sucking in a deep breath as if to prepare herself for whatever is weighing me down to my bones. News she seems to already sense will be devastating, my mom takes a seat beside me at the table.

"Gale…" She calls to me in that familiar melody that she has been singing off her lips since the day I was born.

My big brown eyes shoot up to my mother seated beside me. I can tell with a glance, the fear and vulnerability blinding in my usually strong eyes is heartbreaking for her to see. "What happened?" She questions me as gently as possible. A look of empathy and support shooting from her eyes. Reaching out to me as I hang on by a thread beside her. I can practically read her mind, she's plagued with fear for Katniss. Surely, the only person she can think of who could have this big of an effect on me.

My eyes shoot away from her suddenly with the question. I can't bear to look her in eye as I share the news. I can't bear to see the disappointment. How much I've let her down. Too ashamed of what I've done.

"You know Madge Undersee?" I manage to spit out on a low deep breath. The question is rhetorically really. Of course my mother knows who she is. Her dad had been the mayor, there was a time when Madge's family had once been prominent, but it feels like a good place to start.

"Yes," My mom confirms, waiting preemptively to see where this will lead. A twinge of confusion in her eyes tells me she was sure this was about Katniss and the mention of another girl has thrown her. I'm pretty sure my mother knows more of Madge Undersee than she knows the girl personally. Her family is well known, public figures for a time, I remember my mother speaking fondly of Madge's mother after the train accident.

But most people in the Seam only know Madge as the lost girl who wanders the Seam looking for things she'll never find here. And on occasion, I know my mother has seen her tag along with Katniss and me when we return from a hunt.

I feel my throat tighten, my chest constrict as the moment of truth arrives at my feet. "She's pregnant." I barely whispers out on a husky breath. And as the words leave my breath, come to life in a world larger than my own tortured mind, I begin to feel an anger fill within me too. Saying it out loud feels humiliating, shameful, and crushing. It makes it real in a way I don't feel prepared to face.

My mother's eyes fall shut as my words impact her. She fights to restrain an audible emotionally driven response. I know, the last thing she wants to do right now is drive me away. Because even though I don't say I'm the one who got Madge pregnant, we both know I wouldn't be sharing this, wouldn't be so torn up, if I wasn't.

Reaching out, my mother takes my hand. Giving me a silent show of support. The look in her eyes conveys silently, she can't tell me things are going to be ok. She can't tell me this one will work itself out. Because those would be lies. All she can offer me in this moment is her loving support as I walks into an unknown future.

Anger begins to swell inside me. What have I done?! I've ruined everything! How could I let this happen?! I should have been careful, I should have pulled out, or never touched her at all. It's not as if she's the first girl I've taken a run of it with. Merchant girls love to go slummin' with a boy from the Seam. But I know the unspoken rules. You don't get to keep them. You don't get them pregnant. You never get them pregnant! But instead I let my emotions get the best of me.

My _'I don't give a damn about anything attitude'_ after watching Katniss be taken away, and now I've landed flat on my face in a pile of shit for it. Taking my family and Madge with me, because they too will have to deal with this new burden.

How am I going to feed another mouth? Do I want to feed another mouth? I love my brothers and sister, but am I ready for another Posy or Vick running around? Am I ready to be anyone's father? And God, with Madge of all people. A girl I've always written off as privileged and naive. The rich little strawberry girl for Christ sakes. How will she ever survive in my world, in the Seam?

I don't want to be responsible for her. Especially not since Katniss is finally coming home. And despite the show with Peeta during the Games, I still feel confident I have a chance to win her back. A chance to make Katniss see what we share. What we've always shared. And Now… Now I've gotten Madge pregnant! I erupt to life with inner turmoil, my free hand's been slowly fisting tighter with each unbearable realization. Only to release in a fury as I slam my strong tight fist upon the table top with a vengeance. Sending the table hobbling under the pressure and my mother shooting back in her chair with surprise.

Deep in the night, I awake suddenly covered in a cool sweat. The unbearable truth found me. Late at night, in my dreams. A nightmare paints the horrific possibility of watching my child be raised on the sidelines of my life, because I refused to claim her. In my dream, it had been girl, mirrored Posy. A child who suffered the brutalities of growing up in the Seam without a father to protect her. With a mother who was unprepared and barely scraping by. Too young to fight for herself like Katniss had. As I stood on the sidelines watching her as if she could be anyone's daughter.

Those images terrify me as I recall them in the twilight. The gravity of the situation finally beats inside my heart, because I know what's like to grow up without a father. And I finally see, this baby will be tied to me in a way that is deeper than any I share with my family now. And nothing matters more to me than family. No matter what I feel for Katniss. No matter what I don't feel for Madge. My wants and desires no longer have a say. The baby growing inside Madge is mine. And if I don't take care of that child, the grimy wolves that wander the Seam dressed as men surely will. Catching my heavy breath, I know what I have to do.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note:<strong>

Some of you may have noticed, some of you may have not, but I'm running this story in two versions with either Aster or Madge. And I'm planning on having this chapter settle which character wins, which story continues. I did it this way, because some fandoms aren't interested in OC's and since Gale/Madge already have a following, I thought I would throw it out there. So please, let me know which do you prefer Aster or Madge for this story, or both stories? Every comment/vote counts so please let me know what you think. Thank you.

I gave Madge a grandmother, because I believed being from the merchant class, Madge could have a grandparent that is still alive. And since district twelve isn't that large, if she was alive, she'd be part of Madge's life. As for her brother, he offered a chance at another layer to Madge as well as a way for her to not have ended up in the children's home.

This chapter was extremely emotionally charged, possibly the most emotionally intense chapter, and I really tried to write it with realism and honesty. I want to also explain my take on Madge going to see Mrs. Everdeen. It's a touchy topic and I really tried to be delicate. However, the book's makes such a point of how horrible the conditions are in district twelve, Katniss herself never even wanted to have kids, so I felt someone of Madge's age and in her situation would consider everything. She's desperate, and desperate people make desperate choices. If you hate it, try not to judge too hard.

Also I made Mrs. Everdeen more alert in this chapter, because she was in doctor mode, if you will. But also I would imagine Mrs. Everdeen would feel a certain draw toward Madge since she was childhood friends with Maysilee and Madge shares a likeness to her deceased aunt. Hope that makes sense.

Gale will have a real turn around in the way he approaches Madge starting next chapter now that he knows what's happening. I didn't want Gale to have an instant a-bout-face after learning Madge is pregnant. She's a girl he isn't fond of. So I wanted Gale to go through the motion, let the realization of what's happening come to him at a natural pace and then have him make the right choice. Which I do believe he would, make the right choice that is. Gale lives for his family, he's an honorable man, I believe he would step up for his child once the initial shock wore off and he dealt with his feelings about the situation.

As for the abuse in Madge's family, Peeta's mother in the books really set the foundation on that for me. Also, physical abuse is more prevalent in families of low SES as these families tend to experience more stressors and strains, among other issues. Since district twelve is the poorest district, I felt it was very likely Peeta wasn't the only person with a family like that. And having a family like that, explains Madge actions with Gale a little more, why she goes to the Seam.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors note:** I received a rather stern criticism about my story, but particularly my female character, for sleeping with Gale and getting pregnant. In all fairest the majority of the story is written from her perspective, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. With that said…

What struck me about their comment was a theme I see present in everyday life all the time. Some of you may be aware of it, some of you may not. So please, follow me for a moment… I'm make the assumption that less readers are mad at Gale than Madge, the reviewer certainly was. And the point I'm making here is…

It's different for girls. Girls are held to a very different standard than boys when it comes to their sexual activities. Why is that? There's a long list of answers, but I would much rather ask you, the reader to find one of your own. Next time you read or hear or see a situation and you're first instinct is the blame the female. I encourage you to stop for a moment and ask yourself why.

Some of you will blow this off, some of you will realize there's a real message in this.

* * *

><p><strong>There Goes the Neighborhood<strong>

It's been almost week to the day since I told Gale. A week that has felt like an eternity and a death sentence all in one breathe. I've tried to keep myself busy. Not let the hurt take hold in my heart. I've forced myself to maintain the dignity and poise my mother and political upbringing instilled with in me. Katniss has returned home, and I never really doubted she would. There's a fire inside her not even the Capitol can extinguish.

I've been desperate to see her, to hug her, and tell her how happy I am that she's back, but the Capitol officials have kept her and Peeta on a short leash. And now that my I'm no longer a member of a political family I'm not given special access to her or Peeta.

I've only gotten to offer her a fleeting wave across the town square before another round of camera's whisked them away. The reporters and cameras have been following her and Peeta's every move. Chronicling, their world win love affair and moving both victors into the plush estates of Victor's Village. Just one of many prizes awaiting Katniss and Peeta now that they've won the Hunger Games.

I'm not sure what to think of her and Peeta. When my father was Mayor of the district the Hunger Games were a busy time within our home. A time when my mother would be bedridden with crippling migraines and my father would spend days that dragged into nights at the Justice building. I've been watching the games as long as I can remember, and I've witnessed many well played strategies in order to win. I could see how the games could bring Katniss and Peeta together, but I also know Katniss would do anything to stay alive.

Despite my best efforts to follow their news and focus on my friend's victorious return, I know I have to make a choice. Days ago, I came to the conclusion Gale wouldn't be standing by me. I haven't heard hide nor hair of him since I told him. That alone speaks louder than words.

That leaves only two options… Attempt to make it on my own. Raise this baby with little help and no resources in a district where dying of starvation is common place, where children sent to the Hunger Games almost never return, and mining accidents are a regular threat. Try to go it alone even though the truth is I've never really had to go without a day in my life. Sure, I know pain and loss, but I've never experienced starvation and the hopelessness of being destitute.

Or option two… Mrs. Everdeen's offer still lingers in my head. I hate to look at it. It's the last thing I want to do, but I'm beginning to think it might be my only option of mercy. Mercy for both of us. But I hate to even think of it, because it's a choice that feels sick inside me. Makes me feel like I'm labeling this baby a mistake and just erasing it away. But in my heart I know that's not true. In my heart I know if I chose that it wouldn't erase anything. I would always know. I would always have to live with it. And I can't help, but wonder if I would buckle under the loos, like the games broke my mother, and her mother before her with Maysilee's death. So instead I keep myself busy. Trying to keep a distance from both my mind and heart. Buying myself another day, just another day.

It was late evening on a hot summer day, the air felt thick and sticky, and a heavy pungent smell hung in the air. I was just getting ready to finish up dinner, fried rabbit, when my grandmother's voice picks up quietly.

"Madge dear, I think there's someone here to see you." She says, from her chair beside the kitchen table. Keeping me company while I slave over a meal for a family that hardly cares besides her. Her eyes gaze out the window on our backdoor. Her words appearing purposefully quiet enough to be for my ears only.

Killing the flame on the burner, I step back the stove, wiping my greasy hands on a kitchen cloth as I move to the window to see who she's talking about. Not expecting anyone, I can't imagine who would be outside. My heart begins to pick up hoping maybe its Katniss or Peeta until my eyes survey our backyard and my heart sinks.

Sure enough, there he is, Gale Hawthorne standing just beyond my fence. Stoic and brooding look upon his face, standing tall, his shoulders squared as he continues to stare. His eyes catching mine instantly.

A fury begins to rumble inside me with the sight of him. "I'll be right back," I call to my grandmother as I place the kitchen cloth on the table and quickly escape out the back door, praying no one else has seen him.

Marching across my yard with quick hot steps, the fabric of my dress swaying as hurriedly move, I easily step through the opening in the fence. Our eyes meet on my approach, but I don't say a word as I swiftly grab his hand and drag him back down the alley, away from my home. And hopefully away from prying eyes. Normally I wouldn't care what others thought, but I don't want anyone poking around this secret.

When we reach what I hope is a safe spot behind my neighbor's house, I release his hand as if his touch burns, and turn on him like a woman scorned.

"Are you crazy?! What if someone saw you?!" My lips fly with all the emotion that has been building inside me since the day Gale chose to stay mute on the hilltop. The day I needed him most. I had no idea how angry I really was with Gale Hawthorne until I find myself standing before him, a fire burning in my gut.

There's a look of surprise in his gray eyes, as if maybe he didn't realize I have this much spunk hidden inside me. Since I'm usually quiet and keep to myself. And a spark in his pupils tells me maybe he even likes this change in my demeanor.

"So what if they did?" He throws back with a defiant shrug of his shoulders, as if he refuses to bow down to the people privileged enough to live in town.

"My brother probably would have called on the peacekeepers, that's what. Said you were trespassing, or something." My words sternly lecture him as my eyes drill in with ridicule. Refusing to allow his fearlessness to take a hold in my heart like it usually would. I refuse to let Gale Hawthorne anywhere near my heart ever again.

His face seems to harden as if challenged, not necessarily by me, but the implication itself. "I'm not afraid of your brother." He speaks without a flinch.

Letting out a huff as I roll my eyes, I've heard enough. Surely he didn't come all the way here just to debate his bold loathing of authority and the unfair privileges of Town with me, and now I want to know why he came.

"What are you doing here, Gale?" I question him point blank, my eyes drill into his unflinchingly as I cross my arms to my chest. Not giving him an inch, not anymore.

He seems to grow uncomfortable with my question. Suddenly less confident then he was just moments ago. Reaching up, he scratches the back of his neck, fidgeting for a moment. Nodding to himself, he bites down on his lower lip as if internally contemplating something, before his eyes finally return to mine, and his lips come to life.

"I'm in." His breath is husky and low. His jaw flexing with the emphasis. His words cryptic.

I eyeball him for a moment as if he's only making this more unnecessarily confusing. "In what?" I ask, frustration lining my breath. Unclear of what he is getting at and in no mood to guess.

Taking me by surprise, rapidly Gale approaches me. I feel my breath catch, my feet stumbling back to create distance as he comes closer. When my back hits the fence, I'm forced to stop, but Gale doesn't. Not until he's practically flush against my body. My muscles tighten as I practically flinch with the closeness. I don't want him to touch me. That's the last thing I want. After last time, I don't trust myself this close to him. And I'm still too angry to let him have this kind of power over me.

There's intensity in his eyes as they barrel down upon me, a seriousness I can't define. And then I feel it, his hand slips between our bodies to rest upon my lower stomach. His touch is tender as if he's purposefully trying to be gentle. "I'm in." He whispers on a husky breath that sends tingles running through my skin as his eyes never back down from mine. The look in his gaze steals my breath and screams louder than his touch that he means every word.

Lost in the spell only Gale seems to put me under, it takes me a moment to come back to my senses, but once I do, I'm shoving him back, away from me. My heart shooting to life as my eyes frantically scan down the alley and into neighboring homes to see if anyone has seen us. Knowing the repercussions we would face if someone did. Feeling fairly certain we've gone unnoticed, my eyes return to Gale standing across from me.

"Why?" I ask him bluntly. The first sign of emotion touching my orbs as they drill into him, because his declaration gives me a breath of hope I'm not going to be alone in this, but first, I need to know why he's changed his mind. I have to know he's certain before I give him an inch again.

Gale doesn't seem surprised by my question. Perhaps he figured I would question his intentions all along. Holding my eyes, he takes a step closer to me again, not too close, but close enough that only I can hear his answer, before dropping his gaze to the ground below.

"I know what's it's like to grow up without a father. I would never do that to my own child." Gale won't meet my eyes when he admits this, but I can hear the pain he's trying to hide on his breath. A wound I had almost forgotten he held. Quickly he steps back from me, creating the space he seems to sense I need.

Seeing that look in his eyes, hearing the vulnerability on his breath, I know he's telling the truth. He gets it, the implications of our situation, maybe even better than I do. I'm still hurt by the way things have played out between us. I don't know if I trust him with my heart, but now, I do know I trust him with our baby.

"Ok," I accept his answer. Accept him, and while I'm unclear of what this means for us, I at least know I'm not alone in this. And for the first time since I realized I'm pregnant I feel a weight lift off my chest.

A smile spreads wide across his face with my answer, as if he didn't expect me to give in so easily. As if he anticipated I'd continue to fight him. A smile I've only seen him offer to Katniss before, never me. It makes my heart involuntarily pick up its pace even though I know I still have to be cautious with my heart around him.

"My mom wants you to come for lunch tomorrow. It won't be much… She wants to meet you. Can you get away?" Gale stumbles on his words, on explaining himself. I get the feeling he's still as unsure about our new connection as I am. Never one with words, I can tell he's struggling to make this feel natural.

The day hits me, tomorrow is Sunday. His first day off since we talked, and I can't help but think maybe he's wanted to tell me for days now, but hasn't had the chance. A smile finds my lips to match his as I nod slowly. It's endearing the effort he's putting into making this not awkward or forced like we both know it really is.

"I'll be there." I agree. Swept up in the moment that has turned my life so completely around in such a short period of time I'm not sure how to take it all in.

Gale's lip twitches one last time, the side of his mouth curling up in a smile. "See you tomorrow." He calls in departure before walking back down the alley. Leaving me dazed, mind spinning as I try to piece it all together.

* * *

><p>When I make it back inside my house, my sister in-law, Marigold is already waiting at the bottom on the stairs. "Who was that boy you were with?" Her lips sneer as her eyes pierce me, her hand resting firmly on her jutted hip.<p>

I stare her down for a moment. I loath this woman. She's everything I'm not and never want to be. Her heart is so cold only vain darkness radiates from her eyes. And the hought that she fills my mother's shoes as head of the home, next to my brother, makes me sick.

"It was no one." I answer firmly, before returning to the stove to make sure the rabbit was in fact done when I pulled it from the burner.

"Didn't look like no one. Didn't look like he belonged around here at all." Her words hiss accusingly at my back.

Self-righteousness thick on her breath as if she is so much better than the people struggling within the Seam. She embodies everything that disgusts me about the division between Town and Seam

Her words set fires within me and have me dying to make her eat her words. Spinning around to face her, my eyes meet Marigold's like a dare.

"What do you care?" I throw back at her. My eyebrows defiantly arched in a challenge.

"You're not actually getting involved with a boy from the Seam, are you?" My brother's low accusing voice picks up from the side entrance to the kitchen. I hadn't even realized he was here until now. My eyes dart between Marigold and my brother, weighing the moment. I know now would be a good time to shut up. The warning in my brother's voice implies as much, but I don't feel like backing down this time.

Because after my talk with Gale, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep my secret. Which means I might not be under his thumb that much longer anyway. That knowledge empowers me to throw to the side civility for the sake of peace and really let them know how I feel. In a way that I rarely do out of fear of the repercussion, but right now, I don't give a damn.

Turning to my brother my gaze locks with his. "And what if I am? You'd just pissed that I might not be the pure little bride you want to sell me off to the new mayor's son." I practically spit at him. Vile hatred oozing off my breath as I don't even try to hide my true feelings.

Swiftly punishment is handed down. "Silence!" He hollers as he charges at me so fast I barely see him move until I feel the back of his hand slam into my cheek. The force of it sending me crashing to the wooden floor below.

On instinct, my hand rises to the burning spot on my cheekbone. It stings to the touch and as I pull my hand back I find blood on my fingertips. His ring have cut across my skin with the blow. I'm shocked into silence. I know I should have seen this coming, it's a rare occasion when he's anything, but cold and removed from me.

Our relationship is complicated and often fraught with physical conflict that crosses the line, but he's only ever smacked me across the face a handful of times. Times when I really pushed him, like I should have known I was doing today. I just didn't see it coming. So caught up in my own anger I didn't realized I had crossed that line until I found myself down here, on the floor.

"Lydle!" My grandmother sheiks in horror as she struggles to rise up from her seat at the table and go to me. She tries to stay out of our conflicts, too old to wage war, and nearly defenseless if he turned on her, but she's always quick to let my brother know when he's gone too far. She has never sat by silently to his vicious brutality.

"Don't!" He yells at our grandmother, furry still in control of him. Warning her to not even think about getting in the middle of this.

Refusing to let him know he's hurt me. That he's surprised me, and caught me off guard, I force myself back onto my feet. My legs are shaky with adrenaline, but I try my hardest to keep them steady. My eyes meet my brother's as I glare at him with all the hatred barely contained inside me.

"Make your own dinner." I hiss, before swiftly turning on my heels and heading for the stairs. The sly smile on Marigolds satisfied face has me pushing her out of my way as I charge upstairs into the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

* * *

><p>Navigating through the cinder streets of the Seam, dotted with houses that are barely standing. I know which one is Gale's from the handful of times with Katniss we passed by it after a day in the woods. I purposefully chose an older simple pale blue dress for the occasion. Normally, I don't put much stock in girly things like fussing over what I wear, but I want to look nice for Gale's family, while not looking too out of place either.<p>

Yet as I move through the cinder streets I can't help, but notice I stick out like a sore thumb, I always do. And even though I don't buy into the unfounded notion of separation of Town and Seam, I know not everyone agrees with me about that. As a politicians daughters who inherited her mother's sensitive heart it's always been so clear to me that separation only makes us weaker as a district, never stronger.

My stomach feels like it's in knots as I near Gale's home. I don't know what to expect. I've never met his family and I can only imagine what his mother must think of me given the current situation I'm in with her son. On top of that, I still don't know where I stand with Gale. I believe he will be there for me with the baby, but what that means for us, I don't know.

I'm not foolish enough to think that just, because I'm having his baby he's suddenly going to fall for me. And I'm not sure I would want that anyway. I'm not sure how I feel about Gale being near my heart right now. All the unanswered questions, all the uncertainty, it has my palms sweating and not just because of the sticky heat of summer in the Appalachians.

There's a knock at the door and Rory is scrambling to answer it before I can even make a move. "Is Gale here?" I hear a nervous voice call with uncertainty from the door. My eyes turn toward the door, but still I don't move. Giving myself a few more moments to work up my nerve to face this, face her with my family.

I hear Rory let out a whistle of approval with the sight of Madge. A little tune sung to the pretty girls in the Seam as they pass by. I can't hold back the mischievous smirk that fills my lips with the sound of it, knowing in all inevitability he picked it up from me. Going on thirteen, Rory is all gangly limbs and full of hormones, and completely hopeless about minding his manners around a pretty girl.

My mother is quick to reach the door next. A woman who's lived a hard unfair life, but hasn't let it steal the light in her eyes. I've heard people talk, they say she's a natural beauty with thick wavy dark hair and haunting gray eyes. I find touches of myself in her as I grow older, but she insist I'm still a mirror image of my father. A compliment I wear with pride, since me and my siblings are that's left of him. "Alright, that's enough." I hear my mother shoo Rory away.

I can already picture it, she'll greets Madge at the door with a smile. "You'll have to excuse Rory. He forgets his manners sometimes. Please come in." I finally turn around and face the door. My mother has a gentle hand on Madge's shoulder as she leads me into my home. I watch Madge's evergreen eyes survey the place and I find myself doing the same. Really looking at it for the first time in perhaps forever. Trying to see it through her eyes, knowing the kind of home comes from.

The walls are all standing, but nearly chipped of all remaining paint. There's a hearth in the center of the main room. Our only source of heat in the winter. Off to the side there are three doors. Two meager bedrooms and one bathroom. What Madge doesn't know is I still share a room with Rory and Vick, two flat mattresses on rusty brass frames that squeak with every move we make, while my mother and Posy take the smaller room.

My eyes roam our small kitchen lined with the most rudimentary basics; wood burning stove, rusty metal sink, splinter riddled table. I know my house screams of dire poverty, but it's warm with love and that's more than can be said about a lot of the town homes.

My eyes stop roaming when I find Madge's orbs heavy upon me. And my first thought is how out of place she looks. Her hair is golden and clean while everyone around here has dark hair and is lucky to get a bath twice a week. Her skin is creamy and practically glows, not olive tone and coal stained. Her dress is freshly washed and a nice sky blue. A dress that would be ruined in a matter of days spent here.

She doesn't belong here, and yet, my foolish actions have drug her to this place. Entrenched her in our filth, and a vengeful part of me is happy to steal a gem from Town. Make it tarnished like the rest of us in the Seam Town folk like to look down on, but I can't, because the look in her eyes is silently reaching for me, as if she sees known of this contrast so blinding in my eyes.

Holding her eyes, I know I'm in over my head. I have barely more than a name and a commitment to offer this baby. Now that I'm working in the mines six days a week, twelve hours a day, I barely have time to go into the woods to trap and kill enough food for the mouths I already have to feed. And while I'd rather have a steady job than not have one, I don't make enough money to take care of my family. I don't know how I'm going to stretch what little I have for this baby, I just know I have to.

And I don't know where Madge fits in this equation. In my eyes she'll always be the Mayor's daughter. Talk's cheap, but word around the district is the new Mayor's son has an eye on her for marriage when she comes of age. Though I'm sure my baby growing inside her will put a real big wrench in that arrangement.

I know I have to do right by this child and Madge is part of that package, so I'm trying, instead of blowing her off like I normally would. She's pretty as hell, all the boys know it, made our tryst in the woods all that much easier, but besides that I never cared for her. And now, Now I don't know what to do with her.

I know it's time to face this and be a gentleman before my mother's patience wears thin, so I move toward to door.

"Hey," I offer her a welcoming smile, trying to ease the nerves in her eyes as they stay glued to mine. While I try to loosen the tension tight in my shoulders. Revealing I'm as unsure by this whole thing as she is.

"Hi," She smiles back shyly, something flashes across her eyes fleetingly. If I'm not mistaken, it looked like a silent spark reaching out for me, but I don't know Madge well enough personally to know for certain and she's never let it show before.

Before I can delve deeper into what's hiding in Madge's eyes, my mother pulls her into a hug. The kind that feels warm and can make even the worst day a little better. Saying without words, she's already accepted Madge as a part of the family. I'm surprised when I watch Madge eagerly return the embrace. When they pull back, my mother's hands fall to the wavy locks framing Madge's face. Quietly taking note, as her eyes seem to light up with approval to what she sees.

"You're beautiful," My mother says in the sweetest of ways. Her voice shining through her words as her eyes leave Madge and fall onto me beside her. Sending me a mischievous grin and an 'all knowing' gleam in her eyes. I hear what's saying, she sees now why this predicament transpired and I can't help, but rolls my eyes in response.

"Alright mom, give her a little room." I laugh off her teasing, reaching out to place a gentle hand on the curve Madge's lower back and tug her closer to my side. She lets me take her, lets me guide her as I introduce her to the rest of the Hawthorne clan. Three more faces come into view as my mother steps to the side. Letting my thumb rub faintly across her lower back, I speak up.

"You met Rory," I point out first as he offers Madge his best attempt at a sexy smirk and wink. "That's Vick," My hand gestures towards the younger one as he leans close to Rory and I could have sworn, he whispers that Madge is pretty before plastering a sheepish innocent smile on his face. Twelve and ten, but they look just like me only younger; dark hair and gray eyes, curious to a fault, and growing like weeds every day. The unmistakable markings of living in the Seam.

They are my brother's and I'd die for them. Risked my life beyond the fence for years, and now risk my life every day in the mines so they can have better than I had. So they never have to take out tesserae's. In so many ways, ever since my father died, they've become my responsibility, rather than just my brothers.

"And the little one's Posy." The introduction barely leaves my lips before Posy quickly approaches Madge. Stopping just before Madge with big brown eyes staring up at us, an excited smile touching her lips as her delicate little hands play with the fabric at the hem of Madge's dress. Posy looks like a little angel with those big eyes, round rosy cheeks, and curly brown locks. And to me she is one. She's the light of life, has me wrapped around her little finger, in my eyes she's practically mine.

"Do you like books?" Posy questions Madge in a tiny sing song voice. Her eyes seeming to grow wider in anticipation of Madge's answer. Posy loves to read. A characteristic rarely found in the Seam, and not shared by her brothers, but from the day she was born I always felt Posy would best the best of us.

"I love books." Madge easily replies with a smile that sends my gaze falling down upon her. A smile spread across my face as Madge made an effort with my sister. I don't know if she'd think she was too good for all of them, but she's surprised me. And before I can register the shift, Posy has Madge by the hand and is dragging her off to her room. "You can read me my favorite book." Posy cheers, pleased with Madge's response.

Madge's eyes shoot back to mine as she's dragged away, and I can't hold back the amused chuckle that leaves my lips with the sight, but something else stirs in my chest with her gentleness toward my sister, toward my family, and the lack of judgment she had placed upon us. A feeling I can't quite pinpoint or identify, but it's something I know I've never felt for her until now.

* * *

><p>When the day begins to come to a close, when the sun begins to lower and the air holds heavy from hours of heat, Gale walks me back to my home. We take the back alleys where less people will see us. Where we are less likely to have to explain why we're together. Overall, the day went better than I ever could have expected. Walking to Gale's home I hadn't known what to expect, but what I found was a family that really loves each other, and is willing to welcome me without judgment for the crimes that gained me entry.<p>

Even Gale seems lighter around me. The strong muscles in his shoulders no longer hold tight when I'm near, his jaw no longer clenches when I speak. I even managed to muster a laugh or two out of him today. Who knew I was capable of drawing that kind of amusement out of him. And his eyes, his eyes finally look at me like they're willing to give me a chance.

The day replays in my mind as we stroll through the back streets. Our eyes innocently catching every once in a while. I had read his sister Posy her favorite book so many times I think I might know the words by heart now, but I didn't mind, she's irresistible. I helped Hazelle with the wash she did to earn money for her family. Even though she adamantly insisted I didn't need to, but I wanted to. A chance to say thank you for being kind to me, for welcoming me into her home. Our suds covered hands had scrubbed fabric against the washboard most of the afternoon, while watching on with amusement and laughter as Vick and Rory egged Gale on with every chance they could get.

Gale cooked up a rabbit soup he caught in the woods earlier that morning. Gale didn't judge me, even when I had made the mistake of approaching him while he skinned it, leaving me barely making it out his front door before I emptied my stomach. I thought he'd be angry. Interpret my actions as disgust, as if I was too good to eat the game he had hunted for his family, but he surprised me.

Pulling my hair back from my face as I made a fool out of myself over the side of his porch railing. Offering me a glass of water and a mint leaf once I was sure I was done, with a few simply words he expressed that he knew it was the baby, the pregnancy. That was a real turning point for us. The moment I realized Gale might not just be there for the baby. He might be there for me too. Not as a boyfriend, but a partner of sorts in this predicament.

As we near my house our feet stop. Both seeming to understand the need to not have my family find out just yet. We turn to each other, awkward smiles on our faces, unsure of what to say, and that's when I make my fatal mistake. Out of nervous habit, I brush my locks behind my hair, and instantly I watch as the look in Gale's eyes shifts.

"Where'd you get that?" He questions me, his eyes narrowing as his hand reaches out for me. Cupping my cheek, as his thumb gently sweeps across my bruised and cut flesh. Touching my face for the first time since that day in the woods. Normally his touch would leave tingles in its wake, but this time I practically flinch, this is too potentially problematic to let those feelings come to the surface.

It feels like my heart stops for a moment as my pupil dilates with shock. I can't believe I forgot it's there. I had made such a point this afternoon to make sure no one saw it. I knew I could pull it off. The mark is close to my hairline, high up on my cheekbone. The bruise dark, the cut already a rough scab, but my wavy thick hair hides it well. And I almost make it home free until I mistakenly reveal it for Gale to see.

"It's nothing." I explain, with a brief dismissive shake to my head. My heart shooting back to life as I avoid his eyes.

He isn't buying it and he isn't letting go either. "Doesn't look like nothing." Gale pursues it with stubborn determination, stepping closer to me. I'm sure he's coming in for a better look as his thumb gently grazes it again.

My heart begins race, I feel like the ground is going to drop out from under me at any moment as I grab Gale's wrist and firmly pull his hand free of my face. Stepping back from him to create distance, my eyes hit him directly.

"Well it is." I insist. This is my problem, my family, and I'm not the only one in district twelve with it. No one ever laid a hand on my before my parents death, but since they're gone this burden rests on my shoulders alone. This is one thing I have no intention of sharing with Gale. This is one thing I don't want him getting in the middle of and by the look on his face he thinks it's is a problem he might need to handle. And that's the last thing I want.

Gale licks his lips, looking me over silently for a moment as the wheels turn behind his eyes, deep with thought. "That why you wander the Seam looking for something, tag along with me and Katniss like you're one of us? Is that why you were in the woods that day? Is that what you're running from?" Gale's words are low on his breath and I can see in his eyes he thinks he's figured it all out. Figured me out. As if I never made sense to him until now.

I'm challenged by his words. Words that in some ways hit a little more close to home than I'd like to admit, even to myself.

"I'm not running." I throw back at him. Our eyes lock in a heated standoff. I refuse to look weak in his eyes right now. Weak in a way that I feel this situation is already painting me.

Gale meets my challenge and throws it back at me. "Then who did that to you?" He questions me directly. Daring me to give a name or admit that this is shamefully secret in a way that keeps my lips silent.

Knowing I can't win this fight. He's cornered me and I either fess up or admit he's right. So I try another approach. Try to reason with him.

"It's not a big deal. Things just got out of hand. Haven't you ever lost your temper before?" I try to make him understand.

Stepping to me, Gale invades my space and seems to swallow the world around him. The tightness of his jaw tells me he has. He's lost his temper on more than one occasion, and how could he not with all that passion burning in his gut. But the look in his eyes says he'd never take it out on a girl.

"Who?" Gale whispers to me and this time there's no challenge in his eyes. His gaze is probing, but softer than before, and I can feel myself caving.

I close my eyes, not wanting to see the look on his face. "…My brother," I whisper.

Knowing this news has the potential to set fires. Knowing Gale probably hates him. Everyone hates Lydle. He's pretentious, self-righteous, and rude. He's not half the man my father was. That's why the family business has never recovered since my parent's death. Sucking in a sharp breath, I bite down hard on my lower lip. I don't want to see the look on his face, but my eyes are forced to open when I hear his feet moving away. I open my eyes to find Gale moving quickly down the alley, taking off for my backyard.

"Gale!" I holler urgently at his back, chasing after him, but he's quick. I reach my backyard just in time to see Gale banging on the door before Lydle opens it and Gale greets him with a tightly closed fist sent into his face. In an instant they disappear inside my home as my brother falls back and Gale goes after him, clearly not finished.

Heart shooting to life in my chest, I race up my backyard, faster than I've ever moved across it before, and in seconds I'm in the entryway. I barely register the sight of Gale on my kitchen floor, my brother pinned beneath him, his face already battered as Gale sends another punch flying.

"Stop it!" I scream at them. My heart pounding out of control, but before I can move, I feel Marigold shove me hard out of the doorway. My side slams into the edge of the table, a shooting pain rips through my abdomen as I let out a sharp cry.

"Madge!" I hear Gale call out to me, his voice thick with concern amidst the chaos. I find his deep worried eyes upon me, worried about whether the baby could have been injured in the process, before my brother takes this moment of distraction to sock Gale in the face. My brother might be a weasel and a bully, but he doesn't go down without a fight.

"Stop it!" I scream again gripping at my throbbing side, unsure of who I'm yelling at, just wanting this to stop.

Then Marigold's voice hits my ears, pitched and frantic. She's at the back door, screaming for help, screaming for peacekeepers. That's when I realize she had shoved me out of the way to get to the door. To get help for Lydle. I know if peacekeepers come now Gale will be in unimaginable trouble. He could be flogged, or worse. A boy from the Seam assaulting a merchant in his home, they wouldn't care what the situation was, the punishment would be severe.

Reacting on instinct to protect Gale, I grab Marigold's arm and swiftly yank her into the house. Slamming the door shut, I step between it and her. I can hear my brother and Gale still fighting it out on the floor, but my eyes are locked on Marigold's as she charges at me to get back outside.

I don't like violence. I've never been in a fight. If anything, I'm the one who gets teased, but something stirs inside me with the sight of Marigold coming at me. All the anger, all the years of hatred I've let brew inside me for both her and my brother come spilling out as I raise my tightly closed fist, and send it flying into her face. Doing what I have to do to protect Gale who's fighting for what he thinks is right on the floor. Protecting him the way I think he's trying to protect me, the mother of his unborn child.

I don't know what I hit, but I know I made contact as my knuckles instantly throb and I hear her hit the floor below. My brother's voice hits my ears next.

"Marigold!" He cries out, and I'm astonished by the amount of emotion on his breath. I look down at her, her horrified eyes gazing up at me as her cups her bloody nose, but doesn't try to get back up.

"Stay down!" I hear Gale order beside me. My eyes shooting to him and I finally see the damage done. His lip is split open, his eye red and swelling, but my brother looks worse. Like a mess of creamy flesh and smeared blood. He's conscious, he'll recover, but it's not likely he'll ever forget being put in his place by a miner from the Seam.

"Gale," my voice quivers with adrenaline from the last few minutes as I step to him.

"I'm fine." He barks as the back of his hand wipes the blood dripping from his lip. His strength still held in front of him like a weapon, commanding the room. His eyes stay locked on my brother, still down on the floor, when he speaks again.

"Get your stuff, Madge." Gale orders me in a calm, but direct voice. I can't believe what I'm hearing. What does he mean go get my stuff? My already racing heart picks up its pace and my mind can barely grasp the magnitude of what he's saying. I don't want this. Things haven't spiraled that far out of control, have they? This is my home. And it may be ugly and it may be broken in a lot of ways, but it's still the only home I've ever known. It's the last place I ever lived with my parents before they…

"What are you talking about, Gale?" I question him firmly, my voice wavering with emotion as I try to make him see the weight of his words.

Gale hears me, his stare finally breaking from my brother as his sympathetic eyes shoot to me and make contact. "It isn't safe here for you or the baby, Madge. He shouldn't hurt you like that. It's not right. Go get your stuff… Trust me, ok?" His voice is gentler this time.

And the look in his eyes tells me he knows what he's asking of me. To blindly trust him to take care of not only our baby, but myself as well. The pledge in his pupil swears he will, swears he'll add me to the list of people he's already responsible for. I just have to take the leap of faith.

"Baby?" I hear my brother choke out past blood smeared lips in response.

Not enough time to think this one over, not with the tension suffocatingly thick in the room. Trusting my gut, trusting him, I make a split second decision, and race up the stairs. Knowing I've barely begun to process something this enormous. All I know is I'm not staying here anymore. I don't know where I'm going or what's going too happened, but I'm leaving.

Shoving open my bedroom door, I go for my old travel chest in the far corner of my room. Flipping it open I quickly fill it with anything I think I might need. Knowing I probably won't be able to come back for anything else. I know I can't take everything. So I stick to the basic needs and then a few token items I know my heart won't be able to live without, like my sheet music even though I know there won't be a piano where I'm going.

Dragging the chest from my room, I move as quickly as I can back down the stairs. The look on Gale's face when he sees the chest is a priceless mixture of disbelief and shock. I don't bother explaining, we don't have time. The urgency in my chest tells me this is a very tenuous situation that could pop off at any moment, and we need to leave as quickly as we can. Dragging the chest to the back door, I feel a warm hand touch my arm and instantly I know it's my grandmother. In all the chaos I hadn't seen her come in.

Our eyes lock as I rise. Tears welling in my eyes, because I don't know if this is the last time I'll see her. I want to take her with me, but I know I can't. I want to tell her what she means to me, how grateful I am for everything does done for me, that I never would have survived losing my parents without her, but there isn't enough time to do it sufficiently. Gently she wraps me in her arms.

"You're going to be just fine. You're strong like my mother was, stronger than me or your mother ever were. You're going to get through this, just don't be afraid to listen to your heart." She whispers against my hair. Reassuring me I can do this, believing I'm strong enough. Our embrace, is brief, too brief, but time isn't on my side.

When we pull apart, her gaze false to Gale at my side, saying words unspoken where my heart should lie. "We need to go." His intense eyes sending me the weight of his words.

Nodding, I step for the door when suddenly he stops. I turn back to see my grandmother touching Gale's hand, their eyes locked. "Take care of my sweet girl." She says, tears shinning in her eyes with the importance of her only request.

Gale never looks away as he easily answers her. "I will." He promises. I can hear it on his breath, it's the kind of promise he wouldn't make unless he was committed to keeping it.

We go to leave when my brother's voice finally picks up. "You step out that door and I'll have peacekeepers on you before you make it to the Seam." He sneers, blood smeared across his pearly whites.

Gale practically growls as he steps to him in response, but I halt him with a touch. Saying without words, this one's my fight. Going to my brother, I kneel down before him. One of his eyes is swollen shut, the other daring me with his gaze, and I dare him right back.

"You heard right, I'm pregnant, and you are not going to interfere with my life anymore, because if you do, I'll tell the peacekeepers you've been lying about the store's income. I know you've been hiding away money. I know where you keep it. Now which crime do you think they'll care more about, assault or treason?" My words slip out like a slap to his face. I watch his eyes grow wide with horror before a quiet angry resolve sets in.

"Don't ever come back." He hisses at me, and I know I've made my point. He isn't going to say a word. He knows it'll cost him too dearly. Rising to my feet, I walk to Gale who's managed to hoist my travel chest up on his broad shoulder.

"I won't." I leave as a parting promise. Silently praying I won't have to eat those words one day. Never looking back because it would be too hard, moving to the door I feel Gale's hand on my lower back leading me out. Giving my grandmother one last smile that I hope conveys all the love I have for her, how grateful I am to have had her, and then we're off.

We make it out my yard and into the alley before we take off running just to be on the safe side. Gale keeps his word and doesn't bail on me at the Seam. And I never look back.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong>

The main point I was trying to make with Gale in this chapter is that he is a man of principle and responsibility. In the end of last chapter Gale had come to terms with this baby being an added responsibility. And in this chapter after being there for Madge when she got sick, but especially after discovering her family issues, he's decided she too is another responsibility he's going to take on, because she's the mother of his child. Which goes back to the fact that Gale's a man of principle, and caring for Madge because she's the mother of his child is the right thing to do in his eyes. Also, Gale does begin to see Madge differently in this chapter. He begins to see she's different than the privileged naïve girl he wrote her off as. Because of their situation he's allowing himself to see the different sides of her in a way that he wouldn't have been interested to before.

In this chapter you get to see the stronger side of Madge. She still feels unsure of herself around Gale, she still struggles with her feelings toward him, but she's trying to control those feelings instead of letting them control her. She's trying to take more control over her life. By the end of the chapter Madge chooses to take a leap of faith with Gale. And that really stems from her desire to want to trust him, because she does like him, while still not being sure she can trust him. As for her family, I wanted to reveal more insight and turmoil there and show how it finally reached a boiling point where Madge knew there was no turning back.

As for the vote, I realize now it was very confusing for most and ended in a tie anyway. So I'm just going to continue both stories. Feedback is highly encouraged. Please let me know what you think about the story, the characters, where things are headed. I love knowing what you guys think.


	4. Chapter 4

**It's Different for Girls**

_Staring at the ceiling in the dark,  
>Same old empty feeling in your heart<br>'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast_

When we arrive back at Gale's home, Hazelle nearly loses all composure to the sight of her son's battle weary face and the back story that came with it. Peacekeepers could come bursting through the door at any moment demanding her son's head. It went without saying, people in the Seam weren't allowed to lay a hand on those that can afford to live in town, not for any reason. Or the punishment would be swift and merciless.

It took several frantic minutes of reassurance and explaining the situation before Gale and I convince Hazelle that no one would be coming for retribution. After cleaning the smeared blood from Gale's face and getting him a cool cloth for his swollen eye, Hazelle promptly rounded us up, and we were on the move before I ever knew where we were headed.

If I thought the first half the day had been a whirlwind, nothing could have prepared me for what came next. I find the six of us marching over to Katniss's new house in the Victors Village. Like a herd of wandering sheep, Hazelle leads the way with Posy in toe, Gale close behind, myself just a step behind him, while Rory and Vick lagged behind. As we arrive we're greeted by an old stone fence that doesn't enclose the village, but rather dies in a sudden awkward fashion.

I've never liked this place. Even when I used to come here with my mother to see Haymitch, before she got sick, the place always struck me as creepy. We pass under the iron arch at the center of the fence, following the pebble path that leads into the village. It's an eerie and depressing place, maybe it's because too few people live here, and most of the windows are dark and lifeless. The moment I step here, my heart sinks just a little.

The homes are luxurious at first glance, but uniform. Twelve grand homes, made of solid white marble that only money buys. The homes look stronger and better built than the other ones in district twelve. Only fitting for someone who was strong enough to survive the arena. Victor's Village is a sight to see for its grandeur, but almost worth missing for its gloomy feeling. I find myself fascinated by this ghost town I haven't visited in years until golden locks distract me from its wonder and my eyes meet Mrs. Everdeen's, the secrets we share passing between us with a glance.

As we're ushered inside, I find myself mesmerized by the intricate detailing of Katniss's new home. Haymitch's house never looked like this. In all my memories his home was filthy, cluttered, and held a rancid stench, while Katniss's home, in contrast, looks like a work of art. At the sight of Gale Mrs. Everdeen ushers us into the kitchen where she regularly does her healing.

I can't help, but soak up the pearly white walls with ornate crown molding, elegant wooden stairs, soft cushy carpet, and rooms bigger than whole homes in the Seam. When I finally get my bearings, I notice Gale is seated in a chair while Prim hands him another cool cloth for his swollen eye, and Mrs. Everdeen applies an ointment to Gale's split lip. A homemade concoction that from the look on Gale's scrunched upper lip doesn't taste as good as it heals. Posy is scrambling up onto Gale's lap as Prim and her mother finish their work, my ears take brief note of Hazelle and Mrs. Everdeen's hushed conversation going on around us, clearly not meant for our ears.

"Does it hurt?" Posy's tiny voice chimes with curiosity, drowning out Hazelle and Mrs. Everdeen hushed tones. Her inquisitive little hand reaching up for his Gale's split lip, his much larger one catching hers just before she touches his cut.

"Yeah, it does, Pose. So we probably shouldn't touch it." He explains in the gentlest of voices as he brings her back down to her lap, giving her hand quick little squeeze of reassurance. Watching Gale with Posy, stirs feelings inside me I didn't know I had. It has me wondering if he'll be this wonderful with our baby. The answer that echoes through me is that he will.

Catching my eyes on him, a concern quickly builds in his eyes as Gale reaches out suddenly, taking my hand. Gently pulling me to his side, at his side he releases my hand as his comes to rest at the side of my stomach where I slammed into the table during the fight. His brows furrow as his eyes hold glued to my stomach, his thumb aimlessly caressing the spot before he speaks up. "Mrs. Everdeen, think you could take a look at Madge, too?

"Sure, where did she…" She starts to ask, but stops as soon as she notices where Gale's hand rests, where his eyes stay glued, where a subtle ache still lingers.

Taking note of the fact that I'm wearing a dress, she suggests we step into the study just a room over for privacy. Once we're alone, I awkwardly I pull up my dress and finally get a good look at the deep red bruise already beginning to form. Mrs. Everdeen presses gently, but skillfully upon my abdomen.

"Does that hurt?" She questions in a matter of fact way. It always amazes by the difference between Mrs. Everdeen, Katniss's mom and Mrs. Everdeen, the district twelve healer.

"A little." I admit. It's not a mind consuming discomfort, but now that she's mentions I'm suddenly keenly aware of it.

"Any cramping, bleeding?" She continues to rattle off as she steps back and I pull my dress back down.

The meaning behind her questions finally hit me. My chest tightens as my breath catches, my hand comes to rest upon my lower stomach, my baby. I bite down on my lower lip and shake my head.

"I don't think so." My voice is shaky my mind clouded, I hadn't realized how close it had come until Mrs. Everdeen questioned me.

I suddenly feel fiercely protective of my stomach. It hadn't even occurred to me that the baby could have been hurt, but it did to Gale. In that moment, I'm so thankful I have him here to catch what I miss. His experience with pregnancy, babies, and children might just be our saving grace.

"Alright, it looks like it missed your uterus. You're going to have a nasty bruise, but I think you and the baby will be fine. But if anything should change, if you should have cramping or bleeding, even just spotting, you need to lie down and have someone send for me right away." She directs and I nod, the thought alone choking me up. I still have so many mixed feelings about being pregnant, but the thought of losing the baby now terrifies me. It reveals to me that I'm growing more connected to this baby than I even realized.

Returning to the others, I notice Hazelle and Mrs. Everdeen share a peculiar look between them. "Would it be alright if Prim showed the kids around the new house while we have a word with Gale and Madge?" Hazelle questions.

Mrs. Evendeen's eyes meet her youngest daughter's before giving a nod of approval and despite Rory grumbling under his breath about not being a kid, the room cleared out fairly quickly. It makes Gale and I share a glance unsure of what's coming next.

Once the sound of little feet was heard climbing the staircase, the two matriarchs finally turn to Gale and I and with a single statement rip away any notion our lives will ever return to normal.

"You'll need to marry as soon as possible." Hazelle directs at both of us, but her eyes linger a little longer at Gale. Her orbs scan us as we now stand side by side yet precariously not together.

Instantly I'm shot into a reality that feels unreal. Marriage? Me and Gale? It sounds absurd even as it rattles about in my mind. My mouth opens to protest, but my tongue ties in on itself and nothing coherent formulates. Just a few babbled sounds that don't form into identifiable words. Thankfully Gale seems to share in my bewilderment at the statement, only his mouth seems to be working just fine as a word comes shooting out past his lips in a shocked response.

"What?" He practically chokes out.

"They'll ostracize her if you don't." Mrs. Everdeen is quick to sum up the ramifications of the situation.

"She's right, Gale. I had hoped we'd have more time before I had to bring this up, son, but after the events of this afternoon, waiting is not an option. People are going to find out she's pregnant and if they find out before you've made her your wife, anyone sensible will shun her and the baby. The baby will be targeted for the unreasonable. Especially because of who her family is. This is the only way to stop that and it needs to be done as soon as possible to avoid any further shame." Hazelle's eyes drip with sympathy. It's plain to see she hates laying this upon Gale, but the weight on her breath makes it clear. She believes this is a necessity.

Yet still her words leave my mind spinning. Shunned, disrespected, ostracized, I want to scream, why? Why will I be blamed? Gale had just as much a part in making this baby as I did. But I already know the answer. Gale could have any girl he wants, as many as he pleases within reason.

It's different for girls. No one would care if he's the only person I've ever given myself to. No one would care it was a rash decision based on genuine feelings. People are only going to care that I'm pregnant and if Gale won't claim me, respect me enough to make me his wife, then no one else will either… I hear the unspoken words Mrs. Everdeen and Hazelle won't say, I'll be seen as a whore, disposable, prey. We might have almost nothing in District Twelve, but we still have our standards, our moral code, and when broken the ability to judge each other to an unjust degree.

I can feel Gale's gaze heavy upon me before I turn to meet his stare. He swallows hard before his gaze drops to what I think must be my still flat stomach. His mind running behind his haunting eyes, seeming to contemplate our predicament. The choice rests ultimately in his hands. If he's against it, I certainly can't make him marry me; not that I'd want to. His orbs are dark and twisted by emotion. I can make out sadness, remorse, and nobility, but there's other emotions dancing in the depths of his eyes I can't identify. Emotions too fleeting for me to pinpoint before his face turns back to his mother as if his mind's made up.

"Fine," Gale agrees on a heavy breath.

I know why Gale did it, why he agrees. I see now, Gale is a man of principle, of honor. That's why he's going to stand by me and the baby, why he's willing to marry me. It's the honorable thing to do, even if it breaks his heart, even if he thinks he could never love me. All eyes fall to me now, as my heart races uncontrollably within the tight confines of my chest. Marriage is forever. That's what I've been taught, that's all that I know, and it's usually the case in district twelve.

A few months ago if someone had told me I would have the chance to marry Gale Hawthorne I would have laughed in their face, but been elated by the prospect, but this doesn't spur on feelings of joy. I know Gale is only doing it out of duty, to save me and our baby, and while I respect him for it, my heart also breaks at the thought.

This would be a sacrifice for both of us. To spend our lives together, because of one stupid moment in the woods, sounds ridiculous. I'm beginning to see we're going to be making a lot of sacrifices now that we're having a baby, but I'm not sure I can do this one, put us through this. Feeling a heaviness on my heart I can't seem to subside, I look straight ahead, and refuse to make myself a trap Gale has fallen into.

"No," I answer firmly, my voice just loud enough to be heard.

"You're pregnant?" A voice picks up from behind me. A voice I'd know anywhere. A voice that sends a shiver running down my spine.

"Katniss," Gale practically spits out in shock. All eyes suddenly glued upon our staring victor, the last person we expected to see.

"It's not what it seems." His lips fumble.

Katniss's eyes pin Gale with a pointed unsure stare. "Then Madge's not pregnant?" Katniss questions, confusion filling her eyes as her orbs dart between the two of us searching out clarification.

I want to say something, explain, but this feels like a moment that belongs to Gale and Katniss, not me.

"She is, but…" Gale fumbles, never able to lie to her, I can see it in his eyes, the strain on his face, and how he's struggling to find the words.

"After the reaping's everything just went to hell. I couldn't do anything. I had to do something. I just…" Gale's voice dips low with emotion as his pleading eyes never leave Katniss's. This is breaking his heart to explain to the girl he loves how he got someone else pregnant.

My heart can't help, but break for him this moment. It's so plain to see where his heart lies, and while part of me wants to hate him for that, I can't. I always knew the truth. I can't hold it against him now just because the situation has changed, and we're not changing fast enough with it.

"It was a mistake." I finally speak up with a heavy heart. Putting him out of his misery. Admitting the words I couldn't bear to hear Gale say a week ago. The words he was struggling to find. Because as much as they hurt to hear, it doesn't make them any less true. And if anyone deserve to hear the real truth about us, it's Katniss. The person our actions may have betrayed the most.

Katniss's eyes meet mine, the pain in her pupils mirrors my own, and feels unbearable to look upon. For the first time I see that maybe it wasn't just Gale who had feelings for Katniss, but Katniss who had feelings for Gale too.

"I'm sorry… Please excuse me" I muster on a beaten breath. Breaking her stare, I drop my head in shame, and move for the door. Needing to escape before the emotions wrestling inside me sends tears falling in front of everyone.

* * *

><p>I'm furious with Madge as a chase off after her down the main walkway of Victor's Village. Have half a mind to not go after her at all, but my mother insisted and she's a hard woman to argue with. The look in Katniss's eyes haunts me with each stomping step. The news had hurt her, I had hurt her. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. She had made it out of the arena. She had survived the games. This was my second chance, and now I feel it slipping away with every a move I make toward Madge.<p>

A girl who has me twisted up inside. She barely made my radar before all this. Just a blimp on the horizon. A girl I knew but didn't know. And now I'm supposed to convince her to be my damn wife. She's surprised me, I'll give her that. Keeps surprising me, she's not who I thought she was. She's not the privileged naïve former Mayor's daughter I wrote her off as, but she's not Katniss either, and that eats at me. Now more than ever. Now that I can't get the look of Katniss's eyes out of my mind. The betrayal in her eyes aimed squarely at me.

By the time I reach Madge I'm practically fuming. Grabbing her arm, I swiftly halt her next step, and abruptly we fall into a stop. My grip forces her to face me before my heated words come to life.

"What's your problem, Undersee?" I throw accusingly at her. My lack of patience thick on my breath. I know what my mom would say, _take it easy on her, you're both struggling right now and taking it out on each other won't fix things. _But I can't fight what's brewing inside me. My life is falling apart, all because of what's growing inside of her.

Madge takes me by surprise when she yanks her arm from my grasp. I didn't know such a small girl could have so much strength, but after watching her deck her sister in-law, I guess I should.

"This whole mess is my problem, Hawthorne. You're my problem." She throws back fighting words at me. Her eyes like daggers shooting into my own and I can tell she's as fired up as I am.

The anger oozing off her only fuels the flames. What could she possibly be angry with me about? I have turned my world upside down for her. Given her everything I have to offer. Hell, I even broke Katniss's heart for her and this is the thanks I get in return. Despite my better judgment I find myself finally exploding under a pressure that's been building since the moment she told me she was pregnant and placed the world on my shoulders.

"What do you want from me? I'm gonna take care of you and our baby, I'm willing to marry you, but what, we're not supposed to be honest about what happened between us? Or, is this because you're too ashamed to be with a miner from the Seam? I'm doing the best that I can here, Madge! I didn't ask for this to happen!" My voice is loud and bellowing. I don't know if anyone is within hearing but it's clear I've made a scene. I couldn't hold it in anymore, though. Everything that has been twisting inside me finally exploded to the surface. And judging by the fire igniting in her eyes, Madge has a few things she'd like to get off her chest too.

"You think I wanted this? I have lost everything! My home, my family! I don't know if I'll ever see my grandmother again! And now I'm supposed to marry you! Don't insult me by making this a Town-Seam issue, Gale. I said no, because you can barely stand me! Excuse me for not wanting to marry a man who's only with me out of duty while longing for someone else! We're only in this mess, because I let my stupid feelings for you cloud my judgment and allow me to make the biggest mistake of my life!" She screams at me. Her nostrils flaring, lips trembling as the heated emotion shooting from her borders on hysterics. But it's her words that get to me.

I never thought of any of that. I never thought about Madge's side, what she'd be giving up. I've been so wrapped up in my own sacrifice I haven't noticed the giant one she's making too. Another thing Madge said strikes me where it hurts. She has feelings for me, real ones and she knows my heart lies with Katniss. Earlier today when I found that bruise on her cheek and learned the truth of its origin, I felt certain that's why Madge wandered into the woods, why she gave into me. But now I see I was wrong. Madge gave herself to me, because she holds a spark for me, and that complicates this situation even worse.

I purposefully lower my voice, take a deep breath to cool our burners. "I promised you and your grandmother I would take care of you. That's a promise I intend to keep. That's what I'm trying to do here, Madge." I try to reason with her, because she might wander the Seam on occasion, try to pretend like slipping between Town and Seam is that easy, but Madge is still cloaked in the shield of a town citizen. She has no idea how ugly and cruel it can truly be, and that's why I'm willing to do this. Do whatever it takes to protect my child and keep my word.

Her piercing gaze holds me captive as she sucks in a heated breath and for the second time in two days Madge questions my intentions.

"Why? Why are you so set on this? You know getting married is a crazy idea." I can see it in Madge's eyes, hear it on her breath, it hurts her that she doesn't mean to me what I mean her.

In her own way Madge is trying to be honorable, and let me go. If she wasn't having my baby, it wouldn't matter what Madge feels for me, but because she is, I can't ignore it.

Staring at Madge now, her eyes burning with a fire I find myself oddly drawn to, I don't know how I feel about Madge. I know it's different than before the Reaping. Before she was just an annoyance. Now Madge almost feels like someone else entirely. She's going to be the mother of my child, and when I see her reading to Posy - giving each of the characters a distinct voice, making my sister's face light up with each inflection - I think Madge will be a good one.

I see Madge's arms buried elbows deep in soapy suds helping my mom with the laundry she takes in from town, and I think those hands are stronger than I've given them credit for. And when her eyes catch mine in fleeting unpredictable moments, I feel something inside me stir, and I think maybe there could be something between us after all. I don't know how I feel about Madge, but I know it's different than before.

"Because all we have in this damn district is family and we're going to be one whether we like it or not. So why don't we do it right?" I lay it out there, hoping my honesty will be enough to persuade her. The Seam is a hell hole, the Capitol has made sure of that. There's not a chance I'm letting her and my child live in it without my protection. I'd never forgive myself if I did.

Madge's gaze is unrelenting and I'm not sure if she's going to continue to be stubborn, but I hope she doesn't, because I don't know how much more I can try to convince her before I admit she's right. The two of us getting married is a horrible idea, albeit a necessary one, but Madge surprises me yet again and concedes.

"…Fine, I'll do this for the baby, but if you start to resent me, I'm going to remind you, you pushed for this."

Without another word, Madge turns on her heels, and moves away from me. Coming out of the haze of my own thoughts, I walk rapidly toward her. Urgency picks up in my chest, unsure of where she's going, a sudden need to watch out for her. I reach out for Madge's wrist, pulling her back toward me. Her focused blue eyes hit mine as Madge quickly pulls her hand free.

"I agreed, alright. Just give me some space, Hawthorne." Her pursed lips demand. The look in her eyes telling me she's as mixed up by all this as I am. With a quick nod, I let her go, respecting Madge's need for distance. Quickly she disappears, hurrying back to Katniss's house and I'm left out on the pathway, alone with my thoughts. I don't know what I'm going to do about Katniss, the thought feels like more than I can bear, but I do know if I'm going to marry Madge, I'm going to give this a chance. I want my child to have a family like I did when I was young and that means making things work with Madge.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Biggest thanks to my beta, claireaphernalia! She is fabulous and the reason this chapter turned out so well!

Thank you all for voting. I will be leaving the story as is.

What do you think about the marriage twist? I felt it was justified, because in such a small community it would be a scandal for a girl of good standing to end up pregnant by a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. So they're doing damage control.

What did you think about Katniss's appearance and Gale's feelings for her? I wanted to incorporate Gale's feelings for Katniss, because it was important in the books and I believe love dies hard, but things will change as he grows closer to Madge.

Now that Gale knows Madge has feelings for him there will be a change in the way Gale approaches her. Gale's beginning to see another side to Madge he didn't know she had. A side he finds he likes.


	5. Chapter 5

** Things We Lost In the Fire**

_"These are the things, the things we lost, __The things we lost in the fire"_

It had been decided Madge and I would be married in secret the following day in Katniss's home. That plan quickly fell apart when late into the evening Katniss received a jaw dropping message from Effie; off of a device I didn't even know existed until it started to make an incessant ringing noise.

Effie and the Capitol crew, who had been trailing the victors since they returned home, would be coming over to film Katniss organize her cousin's wedding as a brief spot in their return home special- a follow up on what the victors have been up to since returning home, a continuation of their love saga ignited in the games. If that news wasn't bizarre enough, learning President Snow had made the request personally sent a shudder down all of our spines.

How does President Snow know about an engagement that has barely been spoken of outside Katniss's walls? And more importantly, why does he care? Why would the leader of Panem want to film a wedding between a lowly Seam boy and the orphaned daughter of a former mayor of district twelve? The silent look of fear in everyone's eyes, the disgust twisting deep in my gut, tells me Madge and I just became pawns in a game that has very little to do with us and everything to do with Katniss and Peeta's victory.

Effie and a small army descend upon Katniss's home hours later and quickly began transforming her house for the occasion. Taking special note to make sure everything altered could pass as something Katniss had done herself in preparation. If Katniss had a flare for fashion, which the Capitol seems to think she does. It's decided that Madge will stay with the Everdeens until the wedding, and as Prim was showing Madge to her room, the impending events began to sink in, and I knew I needed to have a moment alone with Katniss, my best friend.

I saw her briefly at the train station when she and Peeta returned home, but the first moment we shared away from the public eye was the moment she found out Madge was pregnant. I can't leave it fractured like that, not even for a day. There is so much to say, with words, with our eyes, but I know I can't leave things the way they were. So I know what I have to do as I sneak upstairs and find Katniss sitting alone in her new room.

Our eyes meet as I stand in her doorway, our gaze locks and holds with the surge of our connection. A connection that nothing can break. Not time, not distance, not Peeta, not even an unplanned pregnancy… Nothing. Katniss doesn't say a word, but I can see it, I know. My biggest fear has come to pass; she's different- the Games have changed her. She's still my Catnip, beautiful as ever, but in her eyes, I can see it. A fear so deep, it threatens to swallow her alive. Dark shadows where light only used to shine. I can only imagine what hides in the darkness, but I don't need to ask her to know, it's a parting gift the games have left her.

Katniss rises slowly from her bed and even before she moves, I know she's coming for me. Gratefully, I open my arms wide, ready to envelope her. Her arms wined desperately tight around me, as my own do the same. Clinging to each other after the time we lost during the Games, for the distance it created, and the way our lives have changed in the blink of an eye.

Wounds sting between us, burned across our hearts, but still I hold her tight and she holds me even tighter. Watching her with Peeta as they parade their love in the Games for all to see, broke my heart, but seeing the look on Katniss's face when she learned Madge is pregnant made us even in a really sad and unfair way.

In less than two months, it feels like the world has done everything it can to tear us apart, to come between us. But the hold of our arms tells me we're going to try our hardest not to let that happen. And it's time for the honesty to begin. It won't be easy, but I know where I have to start. Taking a deep breath, I try to explain to her what happened between Madge and I before Katniss quickly cuts me off.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Gale." Katniss cuts in, rapidly untangling from our embrace as if she's finally realized how close we are and that it's no longer appropriate like it was before.

Her eyes only find mine once again when she's taken several steps back. And despite the strength brimming in her eyes, a strength that has kept her alive all these years, especially in the arena, I can also see shades of anger and betrayal hiding in her eyes too.

My head shakes in adamant disagreement of what Katniss had said, because she couldn't be more wrong.

"You're the first person I need to explain my actions to, Catnip." I press, my special name for her ringing off my lips. To remind her who she is to me, what she means to me. That she's one of the few people in this world I feel deserves an explanation.

Holding my eyes as I watch her struggle to keep her emotions buried underneath. Emotions that Katniss can never really hide from me, because I know her too well. Silently, Katniss nods in agreement, willing to hear me out. A message passes secretly, but clearly from her eyes to mine… 'Not here'.

"Let's go for a walk." She states, no question in her voice before she grabs her coat and exits her bedroom. Knowing I won't be far behind.

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><p>We're well out of the Victor's Village and half way to town before Katniss's eyes give me the signal it's safe to speak openly now. She keeps walking, but I don't want to tell her like that. It doesn't feel right, feels too casual, too dismissive. Coming to an abrupt stop, I take Katniss by the shoulders, halting her before I turn her to face me. Our eyes lock before I ever say a word.<p>

"I screwed up, alright… all because of the damn reaping. Wasn't exactly one of my better days. I know why you volunteered. I would have done it for Rory, but after saying goodbye to you at the Justice building I was… a wreck." My breath comes out heavy; I run an agitated hand through my hair as the feelings resurface inside my heart with the memory.

It dances around in the chambers of my chest like a festering wound that refuses to go away. I don't think I'll ever forget the pain, fear, and helplessness I felt that day. Knowing what Katniss would have to face in the arena. Knowing she might not make it out. Wanting frantically to help her in some way and being impotent to do anything. The look in Katniss's eyes as she stands before me now says she understands my pain.

"I went to the woods to be alone, clear my head. I don't know what Madge was doing out there, but that's where I found her. I just couldn't handle losing you for another second. Knowing where you were headed and that I couldn't help you… I had to get away from everything, get away from myself; Madge was there. I know that doesn't justify what happened, but it's the truth." I lay it out there in a way I only feel comfortable doing with Katniss, with brute honesty.

I know how ugly it sounds, when I replay it in my mind I feel like a selfish bastard, and I was. A fact I would be too ashamed to admit to anyone, but not Katniss. I need her to know the truth. A truth that haunts me now that I know Madge has feelings for me, that's why she slept with me. The guilt chokes me knowing Madge let her heart get the better of her, but I was just an asshole to her.

Katniss eyes me silently for a moment, but the fire in her gray eyes tells me what's coming.

"How could you risk it, Gale? Another mouth to feed, another name in the reaping bowl. I don't understand why you would take that chance. You know better than most what the stakes are." Katniss shoots back at me, her tongue lashing out to reprimand me.

Her head shaking in disbelief as she tries to wrap her mind around it, because even now I can read her like a book. We've had this talk before, the day of the reaping in fact. I know where Katniss stands, I know she never wants to marry or have children because of the cruelty of Panem. I know she thinks I've made the biggest mistake of my life, and she's probably right. But I'll be damned if I make Madge and our baby suffer because of it.

I take Katniss's harsh tone and drilling gaze, because I know I deserve it. She feels betrayed and she has every right to.

"I wasn't thinking. If I had… It wouldn't have happened," I respond, knowing it's a little too late, but needing her of all people to know this was never my intention. Looking into her deep gray eyes, eyes I have desperately longed to get lost in since the day Katniss was kidnapped by the Capitol, I see what my foolish actions have cost me. A price I know will haunt me the rest of my days, but it's a burden I will share alone. I swear to myself I'll never let Madge know. It wouldn't be right to let her carry the weight of that once we're married.

Her gaze pointed, shoulders squared, Katniss isn't done with me yet. "But it did. And now what? What's the plan Gale? You got two more mouths to feed." Katniss nails me with the reality of the situation.

Katniss has more money than she knows what to do with now. I know she would give me some in a heartbeat and probably will offer too at some point, but we both know I would never accept it. I could never take a dime of that filthy money the Capitol made her go through hell to win. So I have to find another way. We've been surviving off strategic planning for years. It's what has kept food in our families' bellies, kept us alive. And now Katniss is challenging me to solve this new riddle too.

"I'm going to do whatever it takes to care for Madge and this baby. I don't know what's going to happen with Madge, but I know marrying her gives my kid the best chance in the Seam, so I'm starting there. I'm committed to Madge and this baby, but I need you to know something, there wasn't something going on between Madge and I. I would never mess around with your friend behind your back, Catnip. I just lost control for a moment and I'm sorry." I lay my heart bare for her to gut or accept.

Hoping she chooses the latter, because even though I'm about to marry Madge and I'm committed to making things work with her, I love this girl. I made a mess of everything, but I'm trying to own up to it. Losing my chance with Katniss might be the hardest pill to swallow, and I'm just begging I don't lose her entirely because of this.

Katniss has been someone special to me for over four years now, but a little over six months ago, I saw the truth of what she means to me. And having her ripped away before I can even tell her has almost killed me. It kills me I still can't tell Katniss how I feel. I may never be able to. But I need her to know I'd never betray her. That I would never intentionally hurt her. Never.

I can see it in Katniss's eyes, practically feel it in her heart. She hears me, knows what she means to me, even if she doesn't want to put words to it. Even if she doesn't want to face it fully with herself.

"I was just shocked. I never thought…" Katniss's words are softer, before the breath dies on her lips as she struggles to find the words to express what she's feeling. Words and emotions have never been Katniss's strong suit. Just one of many things we have in common. "I know you'd never intentionally hurt me, Gale." The words shine from her eyes like a promise. Katniss might not be ready to see the love I have for her, but she can't deny I feel something deep.

This time it's Katniss who speaks up, needing to clear the air. "I'm not in love with Peeta. It was an act. I played the game in order to survive." She admits on a heavy breath, acknowledging silently with her eyes that she knows it must have hurt me to watch. Admitting she knows I'm not the only one who's made mistakes.

There it is, that bitter pill we both have to swallow for misdeeds done while she was away. Mine is Madge, hers is Peeta.

"I figured as much, but it was a damn good act. I'd be lying if I said I didn't hate every minute of it." I confess, seeing no reason to try and hide how I felt about the situation after she was so brutally honest with me. A chance for something more between us may have been stolen away, but nothing can take the honesty we share unless we let it.

Up close, the look in Katniss's eyes as she speaks of the Games, even just in vague terms, reveals the pain it causes her. That wound is fresh and deep and I wish I could fix it for her, heal it, but I know I can't. I may have watched what she went through, but that's a very different cut than having to be the one who lived through it. The look in her eyes warns me not to bring it up, and screams she wants to forget. So I respect her boundaries as I always have.

Something passes between the pupils of our eyes as we stand in the no-mans-land between town and Victor's Village. A language only we know. 'Are we going to be alright?' I ask her with a message sent straight from my eyes. Taking a moment and a heavy breath, she answers with a nod and subtle smile, 'yeah'.

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><p>Katniss's home became a whirlwind of activity, making the already crowded house feel unbearably overfilled. And with my wedding to Gale just a day away, when Katniss suggested we go to into town to get supplies for her mom, I quickly jumped at the chance. Even though I would be lying if I didn't admit my impending marriage to Gale has put a rift between us.<p>

Katniss hasn't said anything, but she doesn't need to. The distance is undeniable. We barely speak a word the entire trip into town, moving from shop to shop as needed. The few words we share hold little meaning and skirt around the real issues crippling us.

Side by side as we stroll out of town, back toward Victor's Village, I begin to listen to the silence. A million things running through my mind, but they suddenly become quiet as I notice what words can't capture, Katniss is different, feels different. More withdrawn, more quiet, if that's possible, and all afternoon I've thought it's because of me, I know in part it is. She's upset with me about Gale, but I finally begin to see it isn't just about me. The arena has changed her, and how could they not.

I watched every moment from a world away. Watched her almost die several times. Watched the look in her eyes when the Capitol forced her hand to kill. There had been times I wanted to look away, but refused to, because Katniss didn't have the choice to look away. And in some way, I felt by watching I was there for her after everything Katniss has done and seen in order to survive. It's stolen away a piece of innocence she never realized she had until it was gone. But knowing her as I do, I know she wouldn't want me to see it, the chink in her armor. I want to reach out her, but I'm not sure how, or if I even have the right to anymore.

Unsure of how to broach my road block with Katniss, my overloaded mind drifts to my impending marriage once again as a fog of anxiety descends upon me. I understand why I need to do this, I have no doubts in that, I'm doing whatever it takes to give my baby the best chance. Alone, I have almost nothing to offer this child, but together with Gale, this baby will have the best chance I can offer it.

As if marrying Gale Hawthorne, especially under these circumstances, wasn't stressful enough, now there's a crew ready to film our young love. Young love, we don't actually share, but I've been informed I will need to produce when the camera's start rolling. The whole situation makes no sense, and even though there's a good chance I shouldn't ask, I find myself needing to get answers on at least one thing.

"How did Snow hear about my wedding?" I bring up casually, trying not to place too much weight on my words as we move down a lonely dirt road that only we occupy. Dense weeds and wild grass surround us as we make our way along a path that's rarely seen life until Katniss and Peeta won.

Katniss doesn't miss a beat before revealing a piece of information that sends a shiver down my spine. "I think he has my house wired up so he can listen anytime he wants." Her voice edges with anger, but she manages to remain remarkably composed. Her eyes focused ahead, never even darting my way, but this is the first time she's really opened up since we reunited.

"But that's your house?" I stammer, holding not nearly the same amount of restraint as Katniss. Everyone knows President Snow is an all-powerful dictator who loves to spread the blood and pain of his people, but listening in on the homes of victors goes beyond abusing that power.

Isn't it enough that the victors survived in the sick games? Isn't it enough they saw things no one should see, killed to preserve their own existence, sold a piece of their soul just to breath? I thought that was the deal, if you manage to keep your heart beating after everyone else has died than they leave you alone. To live the remainder of your life and try to muster whatever peace you can find. Now I'm learning they never leave his pocket, the leash just gets longer.

Katniss's eyes finally hit mine, in a moment where she truly reveals herself. Something she does so rarely that I'm left hanging on every word.

"I'm not sure what's mine anymore." She admits on a heavy burdened breath. Her eyes hold mine only for a second longer before her resolve kicks in and her gaze swiftly pulls away. I can't help but feel the well-deserved sting that part of her comment was meant for me.

I want to be there for my friend. Pull her into a hug, reassure her it's safe to open up further, that she can trust me, but I know that's not what she wants. I've burned her, I've crossed that invisible boundary between friends that risks the friendship forever. And complicating matters further, in the past forty-eight hours that I've been in Katniss's home has made the change in her abundantly clear to me.

Katniss never wore her heart on her sleeve for anyone but Prim, but she's different than before she left. Every night she has woken up screaming in the dark. I can hear her from a room away. I want to go in there, but I'm pretty sure I'm the last face she wants to see.

The arena has changed her, and it would be impossible to imagine that it wouldn't. All I have to do is think of Haymitch to understand that. He's barely a shadow of a human being, drowned out with enough booze to numb everything inside him. I never knew Haymitch before the Games, that happened before I was born, but surely he wasn't always this way.

I want Katniss to know that I'm here if she ever needs anything, but I can see she just wants to forget, like Haymitch. So as her friend who's trying not to make things worse between us than they already are, I will respect her wishes. I can never forget what I watched her endure, but I'll never bring it up either without her doing so first.

"Why does he want to film the wedding?" I continue, refusing to let her last words silence me. Refusing to let this gap between us grow any wider as I take advantage of the fact that we are nowhere that could draw unwanted attention to us. In the distance between Victor's Village and town, we are free to speak openly, which is a rarity in district twelve.

There's a sadness in Katniss's eyes. Not the overwhelming, on the brink of tears kind, but the twisted around, exhausted inside and out kind.

"Same reason Gale's been transformed into my cousin. I don't think he wants anything getting in the way of mine and Peeta's love story. If Gale is married it ties up another loose end. I think he wants Panem to see that." Katniss's voice is somber as she relays this to me. And even though she doesn't say it, I can hear it beyond her words. The pain she's feeling, because her life is no longer hers. And it sounds like every time she turns around another piece is taken away.

I can't listen to it anymore, the change in her breath. A part of her spark stolen. And I'm afraid my actions have only aided in that. Katniss has always been a good friend to me. Not once has she pushed me about what happened with Gale or lashed out. Even though I can see in her eyes she's painfully upset with me and I feel guilty as hell.

She's my only real friend, my best friend, and I slept with Gale under the guise of ignorance toward what he means to her. Because the truth is Gale was always hers. I just didn't want to see that, and because Katniss never spoke it aloud to me, never claimed him outright, it was easy to be ignorant. It was easier to pretend the feelings were one sided and lay with Gale alone. And now that the truth is painfully clear, I feel like the worst friend in the world

Grabbing her hand, I halt us both. Her eyes are full of surprise as they nail me before my lips shoot to life.

"Katniss, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I slept with Gale. I wish I could take it all back. You've been nothing, but a good friend to me. And I should have known Gale was yours. I broke the code. And if you never forgive me, I understand, but I need you to know I never wanted to hurt you." I blurt out, emotion thickening my voice as I struggle to keep the tears at bay. I feel horrible for the way I've treated our friendship. I would understand if she never wanted to talk to me again, but I can't go on without her knowing the truth.

She stares at me blankly for a moment. I hope taking in my words and weighing their worth. "The code?" She speaks up flatly.

I quickly nod, because she hasn't shut me out. She hasn't pulled away and refused to hear me out.

"The girl code. You know, you can't be with boys your friends like, or something like that. I've heard the girls at school talk about it." I explain the unspoken rule between friends as I understand it. Not surprised she doesn't know. Katniss never did get mixed up in the social mores of teenage girls, not that I was ever a big fan of them myself, but Katniss always had bigger priorities, like not starving.

Her eyes hang glued on me, her features strong and blank, but the look in her eyes has finally begun to soften around the edges. "I didn't know there was a code," she admits honestly.

Searching her eyes, I don't want to lose this, this window she's offering. "I wasn't trying to come between you and Gale. No one could do that. I just wasn't thinking. I let my emotions get the best of me. And I want you to know, I would never try to take what you two share; not now, not ever." I emphasize, I need her to know that even though things are changing, I will never come between her and Gale. I know it's something sacred, I would never touch that, but I also know I can never make up for what could have been.

Katniss's eyes narrow with my words. "Gale and I were never…" She tries to clarify, but with one pointed look from me, her words die. Because we both know deep down, in the places no one speaks of, that isn't entirely true.

"Maybe it's better this way. People might have thought we were going to end up together, but I never want to get married, never want kids. Gale does, he told me once. You could be good for him. Good for each other." She changes the angle she's trying to express. I can see she wants me to know she's trying to be supportive. Supportive of what we're doing, because I think she knows the damage is done, but I can still see in her eyes this isn't easy for her either. In that moment I know I don't deserve a friend as strong and loyal as Katniss Everdeen, but I don't know what I'd do without her.

"_Do you understand that we will never be the same again? The future's in our hands and we will never be the same again…"_

_-Bastille_

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note:<strong>

This was definitely another filler chapter, but I felt Katniss needed to addressed before I could move forward with Gale and Madge. I wanted Katniss to be upset, because in catching fire, after Gale got whipped, she reversed their positions in her mind and found she would be upset if Gale came home with some girl. So I wanted to stay true to that. But I did not want to go down the road of pitting girls against each other, especially over a boy. I think it's done too often and I don't care for it. Madge and Katniss's relationship will be changed because of this, more strained, but I didn't want it to end entirely. Also, I felt Katniss would be quicker to forgiving Gale, because she is so close to him.

With all that said, I struggled with writing Katniss and expressing her feelings in this chapter since Katniss is so guard with her feelings. I was harder to write her, not in her head.

I wanted to have the wedding filmed, because I could picture President Snow using Madge and Gale's wedding as a ploy to further his agenda. To tighten the screws on Katniss and to further sell the story of Peeta and Katniss's relationship by eliminating Gale as a contender on multiple levels (Cousin who's getting married and soon to be father). I wanted to show that President Snow will use anything to manipulate people and make sure that they bend to his will. For that reason, Madge and Gale become another pawn in his games.

Feedback is highly encouraged. I'd love to know if people read this story. If they like it, if they don't. What they'd like to see, what they'd like to change. Any feedback help :)


	6. Chapter 6

_**Note:**_ I would like to thank Gabbeatriz, Cat, mixing colors, and Madame BonBons for leaving feedback! I loved reading your comments and I hope you leave some again :)

_**Part 6: Young & Beautiful**_

_Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?  
>Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?<br>I know you will, I know you will_

In less than two hours I will be Gale Hawthorne's wife and I couldn't feel more overwhelmed about the prospect. All the paperwork has been filed. Our house assigned, even though we agreed to stay with Hazelle and the kids for the time being. Seeing as it's easier to keep one household going than two, and help with the baby will be appreciated. Especially since I have little to no experience with babies and I really want to give my baby the best I can. All the I's are dotted, all the T's are crossed, and all I'm left with now is how unprepared I feel.

I put on a brave face. I wouldn't want anyone to know the turmoil brewing inside me. Not after everything they've done to help me. The generosity they've shown me. Mrs. Everdeen has been her usually quiet and subdued self most of the day, but she did dig up her old wedding dress and offered to let me wear it. A selfless gesture I almost turned down with the look that blazed to life in Katniss's eyes with the sight of it. I only caved in after Katniss insisted I wear it, stating she had no intention of getting married anyway, and since Prim had no objection, but I could still see in her gray eyes she was struggling with the thought of me in it.

The dress is simple, but beautiful, it's a sleeveless white silk dress with intricate buttons lacing up high on the back. It slims across my figure and falls to my mid-calf, but seeing as I'm a few inches taller than Mrs. Everdeen, I presume it reached closer to her ankles. The front of the dress scoops down just past my collarbones. Offering a touch of skin without being immodest. After telling me how breathtaking I look, Hazelle shares a forlorn glance with Mrs. Everdeen, a look that exchanges silent words I can't decipher, before she decides a knitted evergreen shawl will finish it off even though it's the heart of summer.

Hazelle pins back pieces of my hair, while Prim brushes faint touches of make-up supplied by the Capitol across my face. I catch a glance of myself in an elongated mirror, but as I take in the moment, I can't help but feel an emptiness hollow in my heart. I can't help, but feel the loss of what's missing.

When I was younger, I always pictured my mother and grandmother here beside me on my wedding day, helping me get ready. Their absence feels blinding and stings so deeply inside my heart I have to bite down hard on my lower lip to keep the tears at bay. Anxiety races through my chest as I force a grateful smile upon my lips for all to see. I'm not ready for this. I not ready to be a wife and mother. Especially not to a man I barely know, but I have no choice in the matter.

I know everyone is doing this to help me. I feel fortunate Gale is a good enough man to stand by me and take me as his wife instead of throwing me to the wolves like so many men do. That is why I refuse to be anything, but gracious and thankful. As the Mayor's daughter I was raised to do what's expected of me even in the toughest of situations. To maintain my etiquette, composure, and be a shining example for others. The last thing anyone needs in a day so trying as this, is to hear my internal pity party.

"You look boo-tee-ful, Miss Madge," Posy smiles from the bed. Her eyes all aglow as she watches me be transformed into a bride. Which to her I imagine looks something like a princess.

Posy has such a light to her, she's a special child. I can't look at her shining face and not feel a smile edging on mine. "Thank you Pose, but not nearly as beautiful as you." I smile back.

Hazelle is just putting the finishing touches on my hair when a knock sounds on the bedroom door. We all turn to the sound of it as the knob turns, and Gale appears in the doorway.

Gale takes in the finely decorated guest room I've been staying in, all of us women clustered inside. His eyes scanning briefly about before he asks if he can have a moment alone with me. A flurry of voices agree, a series of nods fly, and in a moment everyone is scurry from the room. In just a few breaths we find ourselves alone. Gale quietly shuts the door behind them before taking slow steps toward me, his gaze seeming to take me in as a smile creeps across his face.

"You look nice." He says, the words resounding with honesty off his breath as his eyes seem captivated by my image in a way he's never looked at me before.

I feel like squirming under Gale's gaze. I'm not use to this, use to his attention, his eyes, and with everything battling inside me, I feel unprepared to accept it gracefully. My eyes dart away from his enthralled stare. Gale's different toward me than a few days ago. We've barely had any time together since our fight the day we decided to wed, so I don't think that's what has changed his mind. Maybe Gale does just think I look nice, but it feels more like some greater insight has found him.

"You're not too bad yourself." I throw back teasingly with a humored smile, trying to keep things light, but refusing to meet his eyes. Taking note that Gale's wearing the same clothes he wore to the reaping. His finest pair, I'm sure. The very clothes that got us in this mess to begin with.

"You nervous?" Gale questions me on a casual breath as he moves closer to me as if he sees right through the ease I'm trying to project, to the trembling mess I feel beneath.

My panicked eyes shoot to my suddenly fidgeting hands. How does he know? Am I that transparent? Surely he hasn't pegged me after only getting the chance to know me over the past week. No, it must be something else. Maybe he's nervous too. That thought brings a sense of reassurance fluttering inside my heart. Eases the loneliness I'm feeling. Putting my courage ahead of my fear, I force myself to look up and meet Gale's gaze.

"A little," I admit as I let an uneasy smile touch my lips and lighten my words.

The look in Gale's deep eyes shifts as he searches my orbs as if seeking exactly where my worries lie. Unable or willing to open a can of worms that could leave me a sprawling mess upon Katniss' nicely carpeted floor, I choose a safe excuse. One that does unnerve me, but doesn't have the ability to break my heart.

"Effie said we're going to have to kiss after the toast. For the cameras." I admit on a breath that sounds shakier than I intended it too.

It's true, that news has shaken me ever since Effie relayed it a little over an hour ago. It's not that other couples in District Twelve don't kiss at some point during their toasting ceremony, but not all do and I just figured given our circumstances we would be one of the couples that chose not to.

But now I'm staring down a very public kiss with a boy I've only kissed once. Well, not technically once, but the rate we had kissed in the woods made it feel like just a few intensely interlaced kisses. Besides that day, I've only been kissed a few other times and that felt more like commiserating than chemistry, or fizzling sparks, but nothing as intense as when I kissed Gale.

A smile etches across Gale's face, softening his often hard masculine features and bringing light to his clear gray eyes.

"You haven't been kissed a lot, have you Madge?" He questions me, amused.

My cheeks flush with the almost teasing look in Gale's eyes, the way his lips move when he questions me. My pride orders me to dismiss his notion and insist I've had plenty of practice, but my heart reminds me this man is going to be my husband in a few short hours, the truth is what I want us to share.

"Just a few." I admit, trying my hardest to not be embarrassed since its clear Gale's not an amateur like me. My eyes slowly dance between him and the floor as I await his response to news I'm sure he won't be shocked by.

Gale's smile slowly fades, but his face holds a tender quality I've never seen before as his eyes never leave me. He takes me by surprise, something he's shown me he can be quite good at, and cups my cheek in the palm of his hand. His thumb sweeping tenderly across my cheek.

I take a step back instinctively, unprepared for Gale's touch as my eyes nail him. The intensity shooting from the depths of his gray eyes makes my throat go dry. Something is different, something has changed, I can see it in his eyes, I just don't know what's caused it. It's like he's stepping up, not just for the baby, but for me too.

"Do you trust me?" Gale questions me on a quiet husky breath. His eyes never wavering as they drill into mine, his body never moving.

"I think so." I admit honestly, my breath growing heavy under the weight of his stare.

A look that's growing dark in a way I haven't seen since that day in the woods. Gale has looked at me before, selling strawberries from beyond the fence, in passing at school, or while spending time with Katniss. He's looked at me countless times over the years, but only one other time have I seen him look at me like he is right now. Last time it was because of the reaping, this time, I'm not sure what's changed.

A sexy smirk quickly eclipses Gale's face, amused by my answer. His hand moves along my jawline as his thumb finds my lips and tenderly brushes over them. My eyes are locked with Gale's as my heart shoots to life, and a slow burning begins to sweep over my body. With the touch of his thumb gently caressing my lips, I find myself faintly kissing the pad of thumb in response.

My kiss seems to take Gale by surprise, and sends his lips parting as he sucks in a quick shuttered breath. The look in his eyes is palpable as his face descends slowly down to mine. In the moment I'm frozen, glued under the force of his stare that pins me until the last moment when his lips brush mine.

Gale captures my mouth in his and I feel sparks shoot through my body on contact. Our mouths melt together in a long slow kiss that sends warmth flooding through my body. That reawakens that voice deep inside me that never wants Gale to stop. It's a heat that threatens to burn me alive in the best way possible, like nothing I've ever felt before him.

Gale's grip on my cheek tightens as he pulls me closer to him. My hands reach out blindly to grip at his shirt. I feel us slipping under the spell our lips are creating, in the fire our touch is stoking.

Until the bedroom door opens suddenly and a surprised gasp sounds out. Instantly we break apart like a porcelain cup dropped on a hardwood floor. Our startled eyes meet, and I can see in Gale's gaze without him ever needing to say a word, he felt it too. That day in the woods hadn't been a fluke or misplaced distraught emotions. We may not know each other well, but the chemistry, the spark when we touch is undeniable.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Posy forgot her doll." Hazelle quickly tries to make amends as she goes to retrieve Posy's beloved ragdoll off the bed and moves back for the door. An approving smile unmistakable upon her face.

Gale is quick to reassure his mom as he scratches nervously at the back of his neck.

"No, its fine mom. We're done here." He blurts out, the look on his face revealing he's as embarrassed as I am.

I nod rapidly in agreement with Gale like a fool unable to stop myself. My eyes refuse to meet Hazelle as my face burns hot with embarrassment. It's not like she doesn't know we've been intimate, but getting caught up in the moment in front of her somehow feels inappropriate.

Gale's eyes hit mine when my frantic pair finally stops darting around the room.

"We'll try for that." He awkwardly explains in a cryptic way I can tell he only wants me to understand.

My incessant nodding starts all over again. "Sounds good." I blurt out and instantly regret the way my voice sounds high pitched and childlike.

With a quick nod, Gale marches for the door, and I'm left swimming in my own mind, treading the thoughts crashing over me like waves. Trying to figure out how I feel about this turn of events with all the other emotions peaking inside me.

* * *

><p>I finally come down stairs, after composing myself, after stuffing the feel of Gale's lips in the back of my mind until I have time to process my feelings. Transforming my face into one of joyous excitement, I move down a narrow hallway and slip into the open doorway of the kitchen, and come face to face with Peeta.<p>

The surprise warms my heart and subdues my anxiety. The sight of him is familiar from my life before all this and instantly puts me at ease. Peeta turns from his place at the countertop across from Katniss, and our eyes meet. A gentle smile lightens up his face with recognition. The softness of Peeta's features, the warmth in his eyes, all call to me from a time before.

Without a word, I go to Peeta and pull him into a quick tight hug. This is the first chance I've gotten to see him up close since the Games. I clutch him tightly, thankful he's alive. I hate to admit it, but I never had my doubts Katniss would return, Peeta on the other hand, I had all but given up for dead until the climatic end of the Games.

Peeta smells of whipped frosting and freshly baked bread, it reminds me of home, our time together as kids, and a memory instantly fills my mind. Of chapped uncertain lips finding my own, of a kind empathetic boy with a black eye to match the bruises dotted along my arms, trying to quiet the fear in my eyes as we hid behind the fence that bordered our homes. As quickly as the memory surfaces it fades away as we pull back. Holding me at arm's length, Peeta gives me a quick once over.

"You make a beautiful bride, Madge." He compliments. The light in Peeta's eyes reflecting the honesty of his words. Peeta always did have a way with words.

"Yes, she does." Katniss chimes in and for the first time today I see a genuine smile find her face. All signs of tension removed from her eyes.

Finally, I see a touch of my friend before the Games once again. The girl who would sit beside me at lunch, the one who taught me about plants, and didn't laugh even though I couldn't shoot her bow to save my life. The Katniss I knew before the Games and my situation with Gale stole a piece of her fire away.

"I couldn't have done it without Katniss." I reach out for her, taking her hand into my own and giving it a gentle squeeze of thanks to reverberate my words.

"Please, we both know that I don't know anything about getting dressed up." She scoffs with a quick shake of her head, refusing to take any credit.

"I couldn't have done this without you." I'm quick to correct her.

My eyes trying to convey what my words have only touched on. That I'm so grateful for everything Katniss' done for me and still doing. That I don't know what I'd do without our friendship and how I hope we can keep it in spite of what I'm doing today. A simple smile edges on Katniss' face as our eyes hold breifly, saying without words, she's trying.

"I brought you a cake." Peeta speaks up, the words light on his breath, revealing he's eager for me to take a look at his handy work.

And he should be, because no one makes cakes better. Peeta's family has been the only bakery in District Twelve for as long as anyone can remember, and Peeta has always had a natural talent for it.

Following his gaze, I move to the smooth marble counter and find a beautiful round cake, topped with elegantly handcrafted vibrant flowers, forest leaves, and twisting vines. It looks like Peeta stole a piece of the forest surrounding District Twelve and stuck it onto the surface of the cake. He doesn't have to say it, I can see he tried to incorporate details both me and Gale would appreciate; my favorite flower, the woods Gale loves.

"Peeta, it's beautiful." I breathlessly remark, overcome by the heartfelt gift and the beauty of it.

The cake is so exquisite I'm almost afraid to eat it if I didn't know it'll probably taste better than it even looks. Suddenly, I'm reminded to be careful if I do try a bite, in case the baby won't let me keep it down. Can't have my secret come spewing out for the Capitol to see. It's my unspoken job to hide all signs of my pregnancy until after everyone knows Gale and I have wed.

"Whipped icing with pound cake, and strawberry filling." Peeta explains with an all-knowing grin, anticipation dancing in his eyes as he awaits my response.

"You remembered?" The disbelief hinges on my breath, shines in my smile, narrowing my eyes as my gaze drifts back upon Peeta.

Surprised he still remembers the handful of time we baked together. It's the little things like this that show what a big heart Peeta has. The quality, the effort, the detail, all things he didn't have to do. It also shows me Peeta is a better friend than I've given him credit for. Peeta was my neighbor for years, a category of connection all its own, but now I'm realizing he's more than that too, he's my friend.

"Hard to forget someone so easy to please." Peeta's quick to respond with a smile to match my own, and I can see from the look in his eyes, he's happy for me.

Happy I got out of that home like he did. Happy we got away from the more tragic commonalities we share. Like Katniss, Peeta is different, different than before the Games, but he doesn't appear nearly as wounded. There's a sadness in his soft blue eyes I don't remember being there before, but I can still see the old Peeta far more easily than I can find the old Katniss. As much as it breaks my heart to see Katniss' pain, it warms my heart seeing the Games haven't stolen Peeta too.

"Thank you Peeta," I say with heartfelt gratitude, my hand reaching over to give his a friendly pat of thanks from where it rests upon the marble countertop.

Stepping back from the counter, my eyes fall back onto Katniss. "You've got a good victory partner here." I tell her, drawing Katniss back into the moment with us.

Since the last thing I want is for her to feel like she's on the sidelines, though the look in her eyes conveys she doesn't feel left out. Quite the contrary, it's almost like Katniss is more at ease having me buffer the moment between her and Peeta.

My eyes dance briefly between the victors and it's easy to see past the star-crossed lover's story the Capitol is selling, see the cracks. Katniss isn't in love with Peeta. Which should be no surprise to anyone, since Katniss has never been one for love. However, I've known for years Peeta is smitten with Katniss, even though he's desperately trying to keep his feelings composed.

"That's what they keep telling me." Katniss throws back dryly and we all let out a quick laugh.

"First my best friend, now you're trying to move in on my bride, Mellark." Gale pipes up, suddenly appearing in the doorway of the kitchen, his weight leaning against the sturdy wooden frame.

Humor heavy on Gale's breath, but an unmistakable twinge of truth slips free too. Our dry laughter carries on with his remark, but it sounds about as forced as it feels.

This is the first time I've ever heard Gale be possessive towards me. Claim me as his own like he does Katniss. Coupled with what I felt in our kiss just a short time ago, and I feel unsure all over again on how to approach this change in him and where it's coming from.

"They're neighbors, at least, they were." Katniss is quick to explain. Reading Gale probably better than the rest of us.

Probably sensing his jealousy even stronger than I am. And instantly all the unresolved feelings about Katniss and Peeta in the Games comes flying back into the room like a giant elephant.

Gale eyes me and Peeta as if assessing whether he believes that. Something in his eyes makes me think he knows Katniss wouldn't lie to him, and begins to relax a little.

"My mom says they're ready for us in the study." Gale growls, redirecting everyone to the task at hand. Peeta probably assumes Gale's anger is directed at him, but from the look Katniss and I share, I can tell we both sense Gale's just riled up, because he's about to put on a show for the Capitol. An entity he loathes more than anything else.

* * *

><p>POV Gale<p>

I want to spit in the face of the Capitol and I'm furious my wedding is being used as another propaganda ploy to feed their agenda. Watching the Capitol's crew gather in the corner of the room, putting the finishing touches on the lighting, angles, and equipment, I want to call the whole thing off, holler in their faces to _'Get out'_.

I want to show them they don't own me. That I see through the bullshit President Snow is pulling here. I see through the bullshit he pulls all the time against the people he's supposed to preside over. That the only reason I've agreed to this charade at all is for Katniss's sake. I would never do anything to get her in trouble with Snow, jeopardize her safety, and it doesn't hurt I get a day out of the pits of hell we call the local mines.

It's my mother's words that keep me in line. Minutes ago, just before we all took our places, she pretended to fix the collar of my shirt. She could see the battle inside me, barely contained. She always could read me like a book. Softly so no one else could hear, she instructed I take a deep breath. As her eyes flashed to Madge, she reminded me how nervous my bride looked. Reminded me that Madge needs me to be strong, needs me to try and make the best of this, and that's what I should be focusing on, because she's my family now.

My mother's words reminded me of what I need to do, what kind of man I want to be. Growing up my father always watched out for my mother. She's one of the strongest women I know and she didn't always need it, but he was always there. That's the kind of man I want to be, and even though things between Madge and I aren't ideal, that's the kind of husband I want to be.

Standing on the plush carpet in front of the grand fireplace in Katniss's study, my eyes fall back to Madge standing across from me. Silently she waits for instruction from the crew. Madge's eyes are glued to her hands as she clutches them tightly. I can tell she's trying to appear poised, but it's the little things that give her away. Madge's subtle signs of nervousness make me focus, remind me of my job now.

Reaching out, I gently place my hand upon her clenched pair, easing her tight hold. Madge's big eyes shoot up to mine, full of emotion she can't hide even though she's trying. Silently, I smile at Madge with reassurance and wiggling my hand into her own until I've got her in a secure grasp. Hoping the squeeze of her hand, and the smile Madge sends back my way is a sign I'm easing some of the tension inside her.

My mother, the kids, Katniss, Peeta, Mrs. Everdeen, Prim and even Haymitch stand to the side of us, overseeing the ceremony. All tightly knit to fit perfectly within the view of the camera's lenses. An awkward bunch that looks rather uncomfortable shoved together under bright lights, but I doubt anyone in the Capitol is smart enough to notice.

Katniss and Peeta, side by side, front and center, but I don't dare look at her. I don't catch a glimpse of her for a single second. Too afraid it will be my undoing, because before all of this, it had been Katniss I always thought would be standing here beside me. Looking at Katniss now, while I marry another, would just be too painful. It's bad enough she has to watch at all.

Effie announces its time and I grip Madge's hand tighter as the district official comes to stand before us. I catch her eyes and hold on tight, never letting go as the official begins to recites the same mind numbing dogma that only proves it's the Panem that matters, never its people.

"It is under the power and glory of Panem that unites us all in a common purpose and brings together these two people. Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever…" ad nauseam.

I block out the words after the first Panem and focus only on Madge so I don't lose composure and break out in a belligerent rant about how ludicrous this whole production is. The tense look in her eyes is palpable. Staring at her, I can't help thinking of the conversation I had with my mother late last night, too nervous to sleep. My mother had told me, I could have done worse than Madge. That Madge is a good girl, and she'll make a good wife and mother, give me a family I can be proud of.

Most importantly, my mother said I should try to love her if I can, because loving her will make our life together with our baby richer than simply tolerating her will. Standing before Madge now as she becomes my wife, I know I don't love her, but I'm starting to think that one day I could.

Madge's eyes break briefly from my own, scanning the room, taking in all the watchful eyes, the bright gleaming camera. A forced polite smile lifts her lips, but her eyes grow more panicked than ever. Nervous over getting married so suddenly, and then pushed to the edge, because she has to do it with Panem watching. Quickly, I squeeze Madge's hand tighter, pulling her back to me, and the safety of my steady gaze.

I hear my cue, and speak up like a slave to state, "I do". Offering her a smile and subtle nod when it's her turn, prompting the words to leave her mouth.

"I do," Madge numbly recites.

Standing strong, I try to get us both through this in one piece, and luckily before I know it, the official announces we're man and wife united under the glory of Panem.

I know what the Capitol wants, all they ever want, a good show, but the look in Madge's eyes screams to me this isn't the right time, she isn't ready. So for once the Capitol's going to have to wait.

I'm not going to make Madge do something she's not ready for. After what my actions the day in the woods have cost us, I swear I'll never push her again. Stepping to Madge, I try to convey with my eyes that I hear her. Cupping her cheek tenderly in the palm of my hand, I bring my lips down to briefly caress her forehead, instead of her lips.

The production moves at a whirlwind speed as the cameras stop rolling, the official is ushered away, and paid generously by the Capitol for his services. Pulling back from Madge, I turn toward our family and friends and try to take a step, but Madge's hand clutches desperately at the back of my shirt where no one can see. Tugging at me for security, almost the way Posy would to the sight of something that frightens her.

Our eyes catch and despite not knowing Madge all that well, I can see a pleading in her eyes. Her eyes plead with me to stay by her, not to leave her alone in this, but once Madge realizes what she's doing, her hand quickly drops from my shirt and her cheeks grow crimson with embarrassment. Like the good husband I want to be, like my father would do, I go to Madge anyway. I wrap an arm around her shoulders, guarding her from the freak show we're in the center of and reassure her I'll be there if she needs me.

"What's next?" I ask more impatiently than I know I should have.

"The toasting." My mother quickly chimes in. An air of excitement on her breath covering for my spiteful tongue.

Effie's hands clap with excitement. "Oh, I've just been dying to see this in person! I've heard about the quaint little ritual you have here in District Twelve, but I've never had the pleasure of actually seeing it in person!" She beams in elation, her enthusiastic arms flailing as she urges the crew to ready themselves.

The woman disgusts me, with her over-the-top appearance and euphoric antics. She represents everything I can't stand about Capitol decadency and I'm almost tempted to tell her until I catch Haymitch's patronizing snicker as he blatantly steals another gulp from his flask. I've never cared for the town drunk, but he's suddenly growing on me. The look in Effie's glare at Haymitch tells me he did a better job getting under her skin than I ever could have and I feel a small sense of satisfaction.

Before I even realize Peeta has gone to retrieve bread, he's directly in front of me holding a fresh loaf I know he brought personally from the bakery.

"Here you go." He offers, handing it to me.

"Thanks Peeta," I respond cordially, knowing we're supposed to appear as close friends and family. What with Peeta being Katniss's lover and I conveniently her cousin.

Effie gives a loud obnoxious announcement that we're rolling and my arm slips from Madge's shoulders to find her hand. Kneeling down in front of the fire place, Madge easily follows suit. Her eyes glued upon me, following my lead.

With years of experience, I easily get a fire going, patiently stoking the flames. When the embers are glowing orange and the flames lick at the partially engulfed logs, I know it's time. Breaking off a piece of the loaf, the aroma dances up my nostrils. It's fresh and hearty, and I know I'll need to thank Peeta properly later and offer him something in exchange for such a generous gift.

Madge's eyes watch me with silent fascination, so I take my time spearing the bread and bringing it to the flames. Reaching out, I draw her hand to mine, entwining them around the rod. I show Madge the customary method of toasting the bread. Keeping it at the edges of the flames where it won't burn, turning it from side to side to get all the edges evenly.

When the bread is crisp, but still soft inside, I pull it back from the flames. I can feel Madge's eyes are captivated as I quickly pull the bread from the rod. The hot piece dancing in my hands as I toss it about to avoid the burning heat. Hearty laughter escapes Madge's lips with the sight of me and I can't help catching a glimpse of her, a smile wide on my face with the sight of her unabashed amusement. The first uncensored sign of life I've gotten from Madge since we moved in front of the cameras.

Once the bread has cooled enough to hold, I rip off two small pieces. I hand Madge one which she readily accepts. Meeting my eyes, I guide her through this. I've only seen this ceremony done a few times in my life, but I can tell that's still more than Madge. Which surprises me, I would have thought the Former Mayor's daughter would have attended many weddings, but maybe they kept her more sheltered than I realized.

Slowly I draw the bread to her lips, Madge follows suit, and we both take a bite almost simultaneously. Our eyes locked for every moment, and for a second I forget we're not the only ones here. I forget I barely know Madge. I forget we've been forced into this. I forget everything, but the way Madge and this moment makes me feel. Makes my heart beat faster, my breath pick up, as Madge becomes all that I can see. Growing up, I always knew my father loved my mother. It was undeniable in the way he looked at her. I want that for this baby. I don't love Madge, but maybe with time… I want that, my child to grow up knowing what love looks like.

Our family and friends begins to clap and cheer, drawing me back to reality. I think we've made it through when a pitched voice reminds me we aren't done.

"Kiss! Kiss, kiss!" Effie insists in a burst of excitement.

My eyes return to Madge and my nerves have instantly returned. She doesn't want to do this in front of the cameras any more than I do. I don't want to do this in front of Katniss least of all, but the only way to get this done is to see it though.

Taking command, my hand cups Madge's cheek. Her eyes grow wide as her breath picks up, fluttering against my wrist with the impending moment. 'Just like we practiced,' I try to convey with my eyes. Sweeping my thumb across her soft cheek to sooth Madge like I did before, I lean in slowly. Her anxious eyes never leave mine until the last moment when they fall closed.

Taking a deep breath, I capture Madge's lips with my own and instantly feel the unmistakable spark once again, like flickering fire. It's a hungry insistent feeling that makes me want more; another nibble, another taste. Knowing all eyes are on us offers me the restraint I need as I tenderly kiss her lips. I feel Madge readily return the embrace. We hold it for a moment as sparks fly, before I slowly pull back.

Instantly the room erupts in celebration again, but I'm still caught in the moment. My eyes hold Madge as I watch her lashes slowly flutter open. Knowing Madge is now my wife and I her husband, the commotion continues on around us, but it's only her eyes I see. As I see it, feel it, and we both finally admit with a silent glance, there's something tangible between us. Something physical and alive, it's a start. It offers the hope we might actually make something of this messed up situation after all.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

feedback is always encouraged, so here's some questions for you guys :)

Did you like the wedding? I wanted to show that by talking with his mom and remembering the way his father had been, Gale was figuring out the kind of man and husband he wanted to be to Madge.

What did you think of gadge's kisses? Their spark, their chemistry, I wanted to really make it clear that Madge and Gale have great chemistry. That day in the woods wasn't a fluke, but it sort of takes them by surprise in this chapter and offers a sort of starting point in their relationship.

What were your thoughts about the wedding overall? What did you think of the chapter overall? I'm always open to input as well as criticism. _  
><em>


	7. Chapter 7

A big thanks too NerdyGirlProductzz, FortuneFaded2012, Madame BonBons, De Brussyere for feedback. I can't tell you how much I love reading your comments! I hope you leave more :) FortuneFaded2012 to answer your question, Madge and Gale are not living in their own home in order to maximize their resources. Gale still wants to help take care of his mother and siblings. And they would get more help with the baby. So for now they are staying with Hazelle and the kids. But they do have an assigned house. I hope at some point to write them visiting it and fixing it up. The only thing holding me back is I'm still not sure how long I'm going to make this story. Hope that answers your question. Feel free to ask questions any time.

That goes for everyone too, questions are always welcome as are comments.

_**Part 7: What Is And What Should Never Be**_

_Staring at the bottom of your glass  
>Hoping one day you'll make a dream last<br>But dreams come slow and they go so fast _

I stand hidden away in the hall between the kitchen and the library while the celebration carries on. Hidden in the faint light emanating off the kitchen, secretly trying to disapear. Everyone means well with their warm wishes, with their jovial mood, but it still all feels like a bit much. I'm eternally grateful for everything they've done and that's why I choose to slip away and not spoil their fun.

I just need a moment, a moment to wrangle the feelings tight in my chest. A moment to put them back in their hiding place. A moment to myself and my intense emotions in an empty hall before I plaster a happy smile back on my face and return to the celebration.

I'm not sad or regretful, but uncertain and nervous. I'm not sure where my place is in all this. I'm not sure where I stand now. Before all this, my family and home may have been flawed, but at least I knew my place in it. Now, it feels like I've entered a whole new world with only a few familiar faces in a sea of new ones.

The days ahead feel daunting and nerve-racking as the celebration ends and I enter my life in the Seam as Gale's wife, soon to be mother of our child. It all feels so tight in my chest, like suffocating knots. I'm in the midst of trying to slowly breathe my way through them when I hear a set of heavy footsteps come up behind me.

Turning abruptly, I come face to face with Haymitch Abernathy. A man I've known all my life and yet never really knew. His connection to my mother was undeniable. He still brings my grandmother special treats from time to time, but his ties to my family have always been shrouded in mystery.

I assumed he came to the wedding, because he's Katniss and Peeta's mentor, but part of me knew that wasn't the only reason. Haymitch came, because of me too, because my mother couldn't. His glossy gray Seam eyes and staggered step tell me he's already inebriated. Though I'd be more surprised if he wasn't. I can't ever recall seeing Haymitch sober.

I'm not surprised when he leans against the wall beside me. Finding a steady support for his weight and frame. His gray eyes drill me, probe me. Haymitch always did have a knack for being socially awkward. He drags out his uncomfortable stare a little longer before finally speaking.

"You know, it's uncanny how much you look like her." Haymitch says and I'm impressed when his lips only slightly slur.

"Who?" I question, and the look in Haymitch's eye tells me he knows I'm just being difficult.

We both know who he speaks of. Conceding, I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and avert my gaze.

"I wouldn't know." I've only seen a handful of pictures of Maysilee.

Pictures are like treasures in District Twelve, even for wealth families, but she was my mother's twin, so it's not hard to imagine.

Haymitch's glare softens as I relent. He'd never say it, but I know it bothers him the distance I've placed between us since my mother's death. It's difficult for me where Haymitch is concerned. It's a bag of mixed emotions. As a child I found him funny and welcomed his visits. It was only with age and unfortunate circumstance that I grew resentful.

"She looked just like your mother." Haymitch clarifies, his glossy gaze still transfixed by my ghostly image.

I don't like his eyes upon me, knowing he's thinking of my mother. Knowing that I think of her too sometimes when I look in the mirror. My grandmother is the only person I trust to commiserating over my mother's death with.

"I hardly remember her." I lie defensively.

Growing older, I see now Haymitch loved my mother, loved her dearly. In the beginning, I think it had been about Maysilee, but before my birth it had become more. For reasons I'll never know, Haymitch could never show that love openly, only to my mother. How far their love ran, I'll never know. My father certainly wasn't a perfect husband. He was always busy being a good mayor, gone more than home. But the revelation soured the way I see Haymitch ever since I learned the truth. Near the end, Haymitch had been the only person that could bring life back to my mother when she bedridden and miles away in her mind. For reasons that are I know are childish and selfish, I always resented him for that.

A sly all-knowing grin twists Haymitch's face as his eyes never leave me. "We both know that's a lie, sweetheart." He's quick to correct me.

Haymitch respects my distance on most occasions, but he's never been a man to cater to bullshit. I meet his gaze dead on like a challenge and for a split second I see surprise wash over his eyes.

Clearing his throat, Haymitch settles on a less heated topic. "What's the bride doing hiding out at her own wedding?"

I stare at Haymitch silently for a moment, amazed by how a man as drunk as he is can make such an astute observation.

"I needed some air." I smile cordially.

Knowing Haymitch is cleverer than people give him credit for and I don't want him to figure out what I'm really hiding from. The last thing I want is Haymitch thinking too hard about why I just rushed to marry Gale Hawthorne. A man he knows my father would have deemed beneath me.

Haymitch nods in an exaggerated fashion as if the alcohol was sloshing around in his skull with the movement.

"Yeah, I never really liked weddings either. Lot of fuss about nothing, if you ask me."

A sober man might worry he insulted me. What with it being my wedding and all, but not Haymitch. He's never been the kind of man to care if his comments are construed as insulting. Fishing around in his jacket pocket, Haymitch pulls out a steel flask.

"Here, it'll calm your nerves." He offers me his steel container as a kind of peace offering.

I know Haymitch doesn't want to fight with me anymore than I want to fight with him. I don't hate him. It's just hard to disentangle all of my good memories of him from the secrets he shared with my mother.

I eye the flask extended in his hand for a moment, I wouldn't mind a sip right about now if I wasn't pregnant.

"No thank you," I respond with a shake of my head.

I don't have a lot of knowledge about pregnancy, but even I know, you shouldn't drink when you're pregnant. Enough booze babies in Distinct Twelve to make it clear why that's a bad idea.

Haymitch's unfocused eyes narrow as his head cocks to the side. He knows I've had a drink or two before. My parents may have died when I was young, but our family is still often invited to special District events. A show of respect among other reasons. Events Haymitch is expected to attend since he was the only victor before Katniss and Peeta. His eyes feel heavy upon me as I can practically see the wheels spinning in his mind.

"What are you pregnant?" Haymitch spits out sarcastically.

I try to hide the anxiety that sweeps through me with his joke, but Haymitch knows me too well. Instantly the liquor takes control as he begins to chuckle, his chest jumping with the hearty emotion.

"Of course you are, sweetheart." A lighter beat to his breath as he responds with a nod to himself.

Tucking his flask back in his jacket pocket, it seems to play again in his mind as if he's putting all the pieces together, and Haymitch lets out another round of hearty chortling.

"Now it all makes sense." He muses to himself. As if this whole production made no sense to him until now.

As his laughter quickly dies down, Haymitch runs a quick hand over his scraggly face. Deep contemplation heavy in his gaze as he stares aimlessly at the wall before his eyes meet mine dead on.

"Would have broken your mother's heart." He states as a matter of fact.

Guilt slams into my chest, I know she would be disappointed in me, both my parents would. My mother, because I'm so young and I barely know Gale. My father, because Gale is a lowly coal miner from the Seam. And for once I'm almost happy they aren't here to see me fall. To see me become the last thing they would want for me.

"Well she's not here to see it, now is she?" My words are laced with grief as tears build in my eyes.

Upset that Haymitch of all people gets to remind me that even in death I've let my parents down. Without a word I move as quickly as I can down the hall. Ignoring Haymitch's feeble attempts to call after me. I search for Gale, but when I don't see him in the library, I continue past the open doorway before being spotted, and move about the house in search of him.

* * *

><p>Gale POV<p>

After making the customary rounds with my family and friends, giving thanks and accepting their congratulations, I need air to clear my head. The ceremony went easier, better than I could have imagined, but I still can't stop the rattling of nerves in my chest with the realization I am now married.

And now that Madge doesn't need me to hold her together, it is I who feels unsteady on my feet. I sneak away as everyone devours Peeta's indulgent cake and carries on in celebration, joyous moments so rarely seen in District Twelve. I slip out Katniss' backdoor and am instantly surprised to find her already out here.

Her giant gray eyes hit me as she spins around to see who has found her. The tension in her orbs quickly relaxes as she takes my image in, and despite everything we've been through in the last month and a half, I'm pleased Katniss can still find comfort with the sight of me.

I swallow hard as I move down her back steps and join her on the dry grass. Our eyes don't find each other again for a long moment as we stand in silence. Our connection is still strong, and that's the very problem right now. It's too hard looking Katniss in the eye, carrying on a conversation, knowing what she means to me, knowing she just watched me marry Madge.

Luckily Katniss seems to sense that, the way she always reads me, and speaks up first.

"Well that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." She quietly admits, letting out a huffed laugh as her eyes stay glued ahead of us to the wiry district fence and then onto the dense forest that borders her property.

My dark eyes instantly drift to her. "Which part?" I find myself blurting out before I think to censor it.

I'm so use to not holding my tongue where Katniss is concerned that I find it foreign to second guess my words now before speaking to her.

Katniss meets my gaze and there's a quiet sadness in her pupil I'm sure must be in my own too.

"The cameras and everything…" She covers, and we both know it's a cover.

I'm sure the whole production with the Capitol annoyed her as much as it riled me, but we both know the real elephant in the room we struggle to speak of.

"I hate this." I find myself confessing on a heavy disgruntled breath.

My heart straining with the distance our choices are creating between us. The one person I've felt I could be myself with for so long, and suddenly there's a crevasse between us and it feels like its growing.

"Gale," Katniss sighs on an equally burdened breath, knowing what I mean, but the weight on her breath says she's not sure she wants to hear it.

"I always thought that would be me and you." I ignore Katniss' pleas and admit things I know I shouldn't say aloud.

Things that cross the boundary of our friendship. Things I kept quiet before, because I didn't think Katniss was ready to hear them, but what does it matter anymore, now she'll never be mine. And somewhere deep inside Katniss, I know my words can't be a complete surprise, but I need her to know. I need to get it off my chest and I need her to hear it.

I felt something undeniably real with Madge during our ceremony that took me by surprise, but it overwhelms me how much it pales in comparison to how I feel about Katniss and the thought it could always be this way terrifies me.

"Yeah well, things change, seems life has other plans in mind." Katniss surprises me as her eyes break from mine and drift back out to the rich evergreen trees towering in the distance.

I expected she'd shoot me down, order me to stop talking like this, but she doesn't. Katniss admits what I already know, that she's known in her own way we're more than friends, different than family. That she knows everyone thought we'd end up together. That she holds a real place in my heart.

Surprising myself, I reach out to tenderly graze her cheek with my worn knuckles.

"I'm sorry I screwed everything up." My breath is so heavy with heartbreak it's practically a husky whisper.

As my eyes drill into her profile hoping to always remember the beauty of her face, the softness of her skin. And in the same breath paying I forget it completely as Madge takes the place I always thought would be hers in my life.

Katniss moves swift and silent, like a true hunter, pulling my hand from her face, and taking a step back as she pins me with her eyes.

"Don't, we'll always have each other. Nothing changes that, but don't make this harder than it already is. What's done is done." Katniss' eyes pierce mine with more emotion than I've seen from her in a long time.

Holding my gaze, gently she gives my knuckles a quick kiss before releasing my hand, and turning to go back inside.

Realizing what even I didn't grasp, I shouldn't have come outside with her, we shouldn't be alone. It's too hard, too many high strung emotions and open wounds. It'll be easier tomorrow, I try to convince myself. It'll be easier as Madge and I settle in, but never the same.

Neither of us said it, but I think we both heard it all too clear, that was goodbye. Not to our friendship, but to what could have been. There's just no place for it now. I take a few deep breaths. Let the hot muggy air smother my lungs and refocus my mind before I go back inside and face my new life.

_Well you see her when you fall asleep  
>But never to touch and never to keep<br>Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep_

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note:<strong> I'm trying to lay the foundation that Haymitch and Madge share a complex relationship. I've always felt Haymitch must have known Madge's parents, especially her mom well. Because he was the only victor for so long and her dad the Mayor, because he was allies with Maysilee in the Games. So Haymitch's connection to Madge and her family is something I plan to explore. I wanted to add an extra layer between what could have been going on between Haymitch and Madge's mother. Though I am not confirming Madge's assumptions are right, but they are a big part of why Madge has mixed emotions toward Haymitch. And as you already read their relationship can get a little messy.

I wasn't trying to undermine what Madge and Gale shared during their wedding with the Katniss and Gale moment, but rather, I wanted to show the struggle Gale is facing. He loves Katniss (I'm staying true to the book). Love doesn't just go away, because you want it to. Gale is working through his feelilngs. Working through his love for Katniss that no longer has a place. And really I wanted to show their moment was a goodbye to everything Gale thought their future would hold. Because by letting go, Gale can be ready to move forward in his life with Madge. Instead of pining away for what could have been with Katniss. Hopefully that made sense.


End file.
